Drunk Call

LOL, a friend of mine called me very drunk and left me a long voicemail...cracked me up...its funny how things sound when you are sober and they aren't....I listened to the voicemail like 3 times trying to get everything they were saying....I was laughing so hard. But its all good, I told them I would just get them back the next time I was drunk...I have never made a middle of the night drunk call, but I guess I might at least once, so I can say "I've done that" -- any ways...

Its been awhile since I have really drunk much, a few drinks and a night out with my girls sounds like what the dr. ordered....I wish I lived near my halo, so we could go out...brings back memories of Denny's at 2 in the morning....weirdos trying to "save our souls". God those were the days....

coffee and p.j.'s

I love Saturday/Sunday mornings when you get to sleep in, drink lots of nummy coffee and stay in pajamas until you want...its cold outside, but I am warm from the coffee and p.j.'s. These are days when you do absolutly nothing or things you have wanted to do but during the week never find time to do them....I love to ge to be lazy every once in a while...life seems to be go...go...go and on weekends I get to stop...my version of smelling the roses....

Music Genre

I am the first to say " I love most all types of music". And I say that with all trueness, everything from blues/soul, to country, to pop, alternative, rock, rap ( in small portions) and all the in between stuff.

I will listen to most things that people suggest and see if I like it or not. There are songs/artist I dislike in all genres of music. But it absolutely annoys the crap out of me when a person refuses to even listen to a song because it is a "type" of music they don't like...I know a few people who only like "punk" or "rock" and refuse to listen to anything out of that box. To me that is being narrow minded. Listen to it once and if you don't like it, never listen again. But you just might like it. I have listened to a song that I thought I might not like and then liked it after I listened to it.

I love when people ask me my favorite song, I laugh and say there are way to many to name. I have tons of favorite songs. To me music creates a mood, so it can be loud and crass, if I am pissed or working/cleaning. Soft and smooth if I am sitting around etc. Then there is music with a beat to dance to....or just great music to drive.

GRRRRR

Debt collectors...yes they have a job to do, but do they have to be SO rude and obnoxious. I am dealing with a lady, on the 2nd on my house. The company we have the loan from is charging an extra amount for insurance. I have been back and forth with them about this. Our first has an impound account that automatically pulls and pays the insurance. I have had the same insurance company the entire time I have owned the house.

Out of the clear blue they said they had no proof of insurance, so I scrambled to get a copy of the insurance and get it to them and do what I am supposed to do. Then I find out it can take up to 2 months for them to verify and 2 more for them to reimburse for the extra charges....CRAZY, I don't have extra money growing off of trees! They want me to drop what I am doing to get them the necessary info, but they can take 4 months to get back to me...

Now after talking to them today, she says they seem to have lost it and I have to go through the whole proceedure again and they are trying to collect almost $1000.00 extra for this insurance. I am furious! I don't have the extra money and can't believe they lost the paperwork. I told her that was their problem and that I would not pay the amount. its not my fault they lost my paperwork, after I bent over backwards to have the necessary paperwork to them 2 days after I found out they needed it.

Just Cause

I am excited cause in January they are starting another season of Americal Idol. I love watching American Idol. The first few days are funny because they show all the people that suck and the people that are just stupid. Then as they start narrowing it down, I love to predict who is going next. Last season me and my girl Echo had so much fun making guess. Last season was one of the best ones so far and I hope this next season is even better. Remember the twins off the last season? They drove me nuts and then they were arrested for outstanding warrants! That was SO funny.

So my girl Echo taught herself to crochet and I think that I am going to have to go get myself one of those "How To" book for dummies. I have always wanted to learn and I guess its about time. I taught myself to cross-stitch, so the other can't be that hard. I love learning new things. We'll see how that goes...lol

BRRRRR!!!

OMG...It is so cold. I hate being cold. It seems that once I am cold it takes for ever to get warm again...then my toes get cold and they are like little ice cubes. I have the heater on and I am wearing a big sweater, wrapped in a blanket, while typing. A cup of hot chocolate or tea sounds really good right now, but I don't want to leave my nice warm spot to go make me one.

I want to go to a pretty tropical beach (like Tahiti) and put on a cute lil suit and soak up some warm sunshine. Yes, that would make me really happy.

I have a few friends that really crack me up. It is fun cause I can be a total dork and they are dorks right back and we have fun laughing at ourselves.

Did I mention...I am cold! Ohhhh, a fireplace would be nice with a fuzzy rug and a blanket, I could curl up and read a book...Why am I torturing myself?

Bored and bloggin to blog

I want to blog, but have nothing in particular to blog about. I am sitting here drink a cold beer (its yummy by the way) and am bored out of my brain. I wish one of my friends were online, but it seems that I am the only loser with nothing to do on a Sunday night...

I cleaned house all day today and there is a ton more to do, but I don't feel like doing anymore!

I had left overs for dinner and they were good, saved me from having to cook something and making more dishes for me to wash. I hate washing dishes.

What I really feel like doing is getting dressed up and going out... I haven't been dancing in forever and I feel like shakin' what God gave me. But thats not gonna happen for awhile...

Wow, I am rambling about absolutely nothing in particular. Maybe I am just tired, my brain really can't think of much of importance.

Home Sick

I am so homesick. I miss hanging out with all my friends...especially at this holiday time. People here are very nice, but I haven't really had any opportunitys to really meet people and get to know them. Thank God for the phone and myspace or else I would feel like I lived on a deserted island. Oh well, no more complaining for now.

Special People

I am not talking about special people as in "special", but someone who comes into your life and makes an impact. I have the pleasure of having several such friends. These are individuals who have made a difference in my life and are there for me no matter what, they withhold judgement and accept me as is. I know I am far from perfect but when a friend just accepts you, it makes you want to be a better person, just for not wanting to disappoint the people who mean the most to you (nice run on sentence...but since its my blog...oh well).

On such person has recently come back into my life. I had a long conversation with them today and it brought back many memories of years ago when we used to hang out and talk. I have always wanted to take this person in my arms and shield them from all of the horrible things in life. I have always felt very protective of this person (perhaps over-protective). In the years since our young days this person had gone through some really horrible and really wonderful experiences that have shaped them into the person they are today. The person they are today is a kind, thoughtful, fun, loving individual. This person has so much to share and so much depth. I remember this as being one of the aspects that drew me to them so many years ago. There are many miles that seperate us in distance, but when we talk and laugh together the miles melt away. I truly wish (hope) that one day I will get the opportunity to be able to see them once again.

Stormy Night

Tonight it is pitch black outside and it is storming like crazy. The storm is making me want to curl up with someone and just listen to it howl and boom. It makes me remember a few storms from when I was a kid. I have always been fasinated by storms.

I remember on from when we lived on Wabash, in medford, Oregon. We had a large wooden deck out back and there was a thunder and lightening storm. (The storm was far away). My mom and I sat out there and watched the lightening and counted seconds in between the booms. Its one of the really nice memories I have of my mom.

Another storm I remember was a few years later. I was sound asleep and heard a sound like a bomb had gone off in the house. I was terrified!! I laid there for a few minutes trying to get oriented to the room and what the noise was. This storm was right over top of the area I lived in (still in Medford, Oregon). When the lightening flashed it was filling up the entire sky, and the lightening sounded like bombs going off in our backyard. I was SO scared, but by then I was to big to go into my parents room and my mom never came in to check on me, so I laid there are listened to it.

I am SO excited

When I first heard about the whole My Space thing, I vowed I would never have an account. Then my dear friends J and I talked me into the whole my space thing and I have an account now. I have decided I love my space .... because I have been able to get into contact with friends that I would probably not have found otherwise. Today a friend of mine found me, we were very good friends back when I was in high school. We would go to the movies and talk and we hung out together alot. I have always wondered what had happened to him. The last memory I had was we went to a movie and after we were talking in the RR Assem of God parking lot, unfortunately we didn't end our evening on a good note and I never heard from him again. I have thought about him many, many times for him over the years and have searched for him to no avail. Apparently he was searching for me also and found me on my space. YEA!!!! I got to talk to him today and it was like we picked up where we left off. It was so great to hear from him.

Wasted Life

Tonight my heart is a little heavy. The other day I got a call from my friend, who told me to get on the computer and look at the Fresno Bee. When I got there I could not believe what I was reading. The young man who shot two officers and then took his own life had been my supervisor just a week before. He was only 25 years old. No one knew he was depressed and wanted to committ suicide. To me the saddest part is that he used officers to assist in his suicide. He actually planned it. The week before his death the police have record of him calling and saying his roommate was suicidal. When the police showed up the house was locked and lights off, they assumed it was a prank call. The following week the same call came in and when the police showed up he threw down his keys to them off the balcony and told them to come in. When they entered he opened fired at the officers, wounding two of them. After a seven hour stand off with the police, and several attempts at communicating with the police, they tear gassed him and discovered him dead in the bathroom. He had taken his own life. He really didn't realize how many people loved him and how missed he will be. I find this situation so tragic. He was so young and could have gone so far in his life. RIP James Lunsford.

As Promised

As promised I will continue the saga of my life.

All of the following events happened while I lived in Orgeon on 4th st. We lived there for 1/2 of kindergarten through 1/2 of second grade.

During this time the next door neighbor girl asked my to go to church with them. I began going to Sunday school on a very regular basis. At one point there was a time I went and there was a large deminar of some type and at the end they asked for those who wanted to give their hearts to the Lord. Sitting there I felt a conviction and tug of my heart. I raised my hand and diligently asked Jesus to live in my heart. Shorty after I started begging my mom to go to church with me and she did, I forget exactly when she was saved, but she told me it was due to my persistence.

There are also memories of horrible ear aches and my step dad telling my mother to shut me up. Yet, he refused to take me to the doctor to get help.

I also remember one evening I asked my mom when school was going to be getting out so I could go visit my daddy in Ca. My stepdad was enraged that I was missing my dad and he came into the room and grabbed me and threw me in the truck and drove me to the bus station. He stated that if I missed my dad so much, he would put me on a bus and ship me to him and I could stay there for ever. At this point I was terrified! I was in pj's and it was dark and I had never been on a bus and he was threatening to send me alone to my dad. Being the smart lil girl I am, I suddenly developed a strong desire to "not want to see my dad". Looking back I actually apologized to him for asking for my father. Even back then I had a well preserved notion of self preservation. After sitting there for half an hour begging him not to put me on a bus, we went back home and I was grounded and told never to ask for my dad again. The reason I didn't just get on a bus, was I was scared for my mother. My father had started beating my mother and I was scared that if I wasn't there he might kill her.

Another memory I have is I was able to go see my dad for the summer and when I came back, I noticed the window in my room was broken. I asked my mom about it and was told that some one had broken in the house. I was terrified to go to sleep in my room and I remember laying awake at night, listening to every little sound and my imagination going wild with all the horrible things that were going to happen to me and my family.

Enough memories for now.

Funny thing called life

Life is funny in the directions that it leads you. I am happy to be back to my blogging again. I also promised my friend I that I would continue to write about my life. I am looking forward to continuing on that journey. On a side note I am very frustrated...I can not get ahold of my mother to let her know that I am no longer in the state of Ca. She has a freakin cell phone and i have left many messages and still no repsonse. I hate tracking her down at the womens shelter, but if I can't get ahold of her in a few days, I will send a letter to her and if that doesn't work, then I will call the shelter. AUGH!!!

So tomorrow a blog about my childhood....gotta do some thinking about where I left off last time.

Just satisfied

Hey it just me...saying that my heart is content where I am at in my life right now. I am in a great position, and am looking forward to what is thrown at me. I have been through hell and back in my life several times over and now I am being very selfish with me. And I like that feeling, I have always put myself last in relationships and with my mom and others around me and now I am saying screw that, Barb is gonna do whatever the hell Barb wants to do!!!!!

Well now that I have gotten that off my chest, I have to brag that my gas right now is $2.18, good bye Cali gas prices. I love it and the temp has been a mild and beautiful 75 degrees. All I can say is wow I should have left Ca. long before.

Blogging generalities

Ok, so tonight I am supposed to blog about .... Josh in a closet and boobies and other things that we laughed about but I don't remember. I had dinner with my friend tonight and really enjoyed myself. I got a lot of things off my chest and feel much better for it. (Thanks for listening and being a great friend). Wow it changes perspective from when you silently think about things in your mind and then say them out loud to someone. It think its official, I am truly crazy and psychotic, now that I have heard my own thoughts being spiken out loud.... I need to call my K before she thinks that I have truely gone off the deep end.

Life is Short

Its funny how you realize life is so very short. Someone I care very much about moved today. I feel heartbroken. They are going over 2000 miles away. It seems that all the people in my life that I have cared very deeply about always go away. My K is 2 states away and in all best intentions we talk about visiting but in over 10 years we have seen each other once in Ore. We talk all the time and are closer than ever but I miss her like crazy and now that B has left my life also I feel broken. I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face. We talked about visits, but those are just empty words to fill a void that hurts when you leave someone you love. Yesterday when I loaded them up, I vowed to myself that is was not going to hurt, but the ache hurts and I can't stop the tears.

Secrets

Right now I have secrets, that I can't share with anyone. They are secrets that make me smile, but I can't talk about them right now, so I will share them silently with my blog.

Life

Its funny my blog title is " My crazy Life" and boy does life throw curve balls at you. Growing and changing causes you to really look at yourself. I tell myself that the way I was raised doesnt really affect me. But in small subtle ways it does, some of the ways make me a stronger person and some of the ways are not so great. Who I am is not something to be ashamed of, and I used to have a passion for people to REALLY understand me, but not so much anymore. People often look at me like I am crazy for repeating stories of my past and I have even had people tell me - ya right- as I have gotten older I begin to understand that as long as I know who I am then what the hell does it matter whats others think of me. There are always going to be people who dont like me and there are plenty who love me. The ones who love me are the ones who count.

First Time for Everything

Let me start of by saying that I did something yesterday that I was terrified to do and realized that I had so missed out on the experience. It was a phenomenal experience.

Yesterday for the first time in my life I donned a helmet and got on the back of a motorcycle. My good friend had been asking me to at least try it. I finally agreed, I met up with him and he went over the basics with me, helped me put on the helmet and I climbed behind him. He was just going to go a short distance and stop to make sure I was ok with it. I was terrified, but I was trying not to let it show, but he knew I was because he said he could feel my legs trembling. But as we got moving I could feel the wind and all I can say is WOW. I loved it. We stopped a short distance down and he asked if I wanted to try a longer ride, get out of Fresno for a bit, I said sure. Hopped back on and we hit 41, the freeway was a little terrifying to me, we were going SO fast and all I could think about was how very dead I would be if we crashed. But I was watching him navigate and drive and he was very cautious, I started to relax a little and within a few minutes I wasn't hanging on so tight and I was really enjoying myself. We went up towards the Bass Lake area, it was a gorgeous day and having the wind... wow, wow, wow. When we turned around and headed back I was actually sorta bummed. When we got back I thanked him for making me try something I had always been terrified to try. He could understand my fear because of all the bad rap that bikes have, but he said the guys like him that ride for the enjoyment of the bike are very careful. Its the other guys that are stupid that crash and kill themselves.