Stormy Night

Tonight it is pitch black outside and it is storming like crazy. The storm is making me want to curl up with someone and just listen to it howl and boom. It makes me remember a few storms from when I was a kid. I have always been fasinated by storms.

I remember on from when we lived on Wabash, in medford, Oregon. We had a large wooden deck out back and there was a thunder and lightening storm. (The storm was far away). My mom and I sat out there and watched the lightening and counted seconds in between the booms. Its one of the really nice memories I have of my mom.

Another storm I remember was a few years later. I was sound asleep and heard a sound like a bomb had gone off in the house. I was terrified!! I laid there for a few minutes trying to get oriented to the room and what the noise was. This storm was right over top of the area I lived in (still in Medford, Oregon). When the lightening flashed it was filling up the entire sky, and the lightening sounded like bombs going off in our backyard. I was SO scared, but by then I was to big to go into my parents room and my mom never came in to check on me, so I laid there are listened to it.

I am SO excited

When I first heard about the whole My Space thing, I vowed I would never have an account. Then my dear friends J and I talked me into the whole my space thing and I have an account now. I have decided I love my space .... because I have been able to get into contact with friends that I would probably not have found otherwise. Today a friend of mine found me, we were very good friends back when I was in high school. We would go to the movies and talk and we hung out together alot. I have always wondered what had happened to him. The last memory I had was we went to a movie and after we were talking in the RR Assem of God parking lot, unfortunately we didn't end our evening on a good note and I never heard from him again. I have thought about him many, many times for him over the years and have searched for him to no avail. Apparently he was searching for me also and found me on my space. YEA!!!! I got to talk to him today and it was like we picked up where we left off. It was so great to hear from him.

Wasted Life

Tonight my heart is a little heavy. The other day I got a call from my friend, who told me to get on the computer and look at the Fresno Bee. When I got there I could not believe what I was reading. The young man who shot two officers and then took his own life had been my supervisor just a week before. He was only 25 years old. No one knew he was depressed and wanted to committ suicide. To me the saddest part is that he used officers to assist in his suicide. He actually planned it. The week before his death the police have record of him calling and saying his roommate was suicidal. When the police showed up the house was locked and lights off, they assumed it was a prank call. The following week the same call came in and when the police showed up he threw down his keys to them off the balcony and told them to come in. When they entered he opened fired at the officers, wounding two of them. After a seven hour stand off with the police, and several attempts at communicating with the police, they tear gassed him and discovered him dead in the bathroom. He had taken his own life. He really didn't realize how many people loved him and how missed he will be. I find this situation so tragic. He was so young and could have gone so far in his life. RIP James Lunsford.

As Promised

As promised I will continue the saga of my life.

All of the following events happened while I lived in Orgeon on 4th st. We lived there for 1/2 of kindergarten through 1/2 of second grade.

During this time the next door neighbor girl asked my to go to church with them. I began going to Sunday school on a very regular basis. At one point there was a time I went and there was a large deminar of some type and at the end they asked for those who wanted to give their hearts to the Lord. Sitting there I felt a conviction and tug of my heart. I raised my hand and diligently asked Jesus to live in my heart. Shorty after I started begging my mom to go to church with me and she did, I forget exactly when she was saved, but she told me it was due to my persistence.

There are also memories of horrible ear aches and my step dad telling my mother to shut me up. Yet, he refused to take me to the doctor to get help.

I also remember one evening I asked my mom when school was going to be getting out so I could go visit my daddy in Ca. My stepdad was enraged that I was missing my dad and he came into the room and grabbed me and threw me in the truck and drove me to the bus station. He stated that if I missed my dad so much, he would put me on a bus and ship me to him and I could stay there for ever. At this point I was terrified! I was in pj's and it was dark and I had never been on a bus and he was threatening to send me alone to my dad. Being the smart lil girl I am, I suddenly developed a strong desire to "not want to see my dad". Looking back I actually apologized to him for asking for my father. Even back then I had a well preserved notion of self preservation. After sitting there for half an hour begging him not to put me on a bus, we went back home and I was grounded and told never to ask for my dad again. The reason I didn't just get on a bus, was I was scared for my mother. My father had started beating my mother and I was scared that if I wasn't there he might kill her.

Another memory I have is I was able to go see my dad for the summer and when I came back, I noticed the window in my room was broken. I asked my mom about it and was told that some one had broken in the house. I was terrified to go to sleep in my room and I remember laying awake at night, listening to every little sound and my imagination going wild with all the horrible things that were going to happen to me and my family.

Enough memories for now.

Funny thing called life

Life is funny in the directions that it leads you. I am happy to be back to my blogging again. I also promised my friend I that I would continue to write about my life. I am looking forward to continuing on that journey. On a side note I am very frustrated...I can not get ahold of my mother to let her know that I am no longer in the state of Ca. She has a freakin cell phone and i have left many messages and still no repsonse. I hate tracking her down at the womens shelter, but if I can't get ahold of her in a few days, I will send a letter to her and if that doesn't work, then I will call the shelter. AUGH!!!

So tomorrow a blog about my childhood....gotta do some thinking about where I left off last time.

Just satisfied

Hey it just me...saying that my heart is content where I am at in my life right now. I am in a great position, and am looking forward to what is thrown at me. I have been through hell and back in my life several times over and now I am being very selfish with me. And I like that feeling, I have always put myself last in relationships and with my mom and others around me and now I am saying screw that, Barb is gonna do whatever the hell Barb wants to do!!!!!

Well now that I have gotten that off my chest, I have to brag that my gas right now is $2.18, good bye Cali gas prices. I love it and the temp has been a mild and beautiful 75 degrees. All I can say is wow I should have left Ca. long before.