Monday, February 26, 2007

Poets Corner Update

I have Poets Corner up an running. I have a partner in crime now (teasing) Echo is an awesome writer and I am really excited that she wanted to join with me.

She has some awesome ideas for getting people to write. Writing ideas and other misc. FUN stuff!

I have also had a few other bloggers share their poetry. So don't be shy about adding your poems. Remember I can make them anonymous if you don't want to put a name to it!

Please take a minute to check it out.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

An Epiphany

I do my best thinking in the shower, or while trying to sleep or driving with my music blasting. All places that I do not have the ability to write.

So last night, I am laying in bed....thinking about general stuff and then the thought crosses my mind. How fun would it be to have a place where all the people that I blog with could have a place to display their poetry, and read others poems. There seem to be many people in our little blogger hood that love to read and write poetry.

So I created a spot called A Poets Corner for anyone who would like to share their poetry or short stories.

The way I am setting it up, anyone who wants to contribute would get their own label, so someone could click on a name and bring up every poem that person has contributed.

I will have you email the poems to me, with any information you want about who wrote it, when and anything else you want mentioned.

This is for everyone, anyone from Wizened Wizard (who writes beautiful poetry like a pro) to someone like me who is new at it. If you wanted to post as anonymous that is fine too, just note it in the email to me.

Please respond and let me know if this is something that you would be interested in...I thought this would be cool, as I love to go back and read peoples poems, but sometimes it is hard to locate them. If everyone thinks this is a big dorky idea...let me know and I will keep all future Epiphany's to

Obviously I am a huge believer in free speech, so they only things I refuse to post are poems/stories that are racial or judgemental against other people...etc.

If you are me your poems/stories to

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Let The Wild Run

When I was in High School I was in track. I was a sprinter. I used to run, and run and run....I loved the freedom I felt. I loved to just let everything go...feeling the wind, thinking of nothing but the goal.

I used to feel the same when I climbed on a beautiful horse. Tuck down, hold on and let 'em run. Horse and rider meld as one, reading their body, knowing their every move...It is like a love relationship, the two must move as one. There is deep beauty in their wildness, it is a raw passion.

Right now I feel burnt out. I want to feel some freedom. I want to run, I want to feel the wind in my hair. I am tired of the same all week, eat, sleep, do the laundry...start all over again.

I need a night to let it all hang out. I also am passionate about dancing. I love to dance. Any type: swing, ballroom, line dancing, two step, cha-cha, or just moving to a rock-n-roll beat. For me a night out is not even about drinking (of course I like to have a few)...I would rather dance than to get drunk (hard to dance when you are sloshed.)

It is Sunday evening, I don't feel like I had much of a weekend. Saturday I did demo in a nasty old house. My knuckles look like I took on a bully, but it is from ripping up old lino from a kitchen. Then we laid a beautiful new epoxy aggregate floor. Today was about laundry, grocery shopping, and house cleaning....

Geez, I hate it when I sound like "oh poor me" but that is how I feel right now.....

Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Stillness

She sits, a lone figure in the miles of sand.
Rising she follows along the waters edge.
Bending she scoops up some sand,
and watches as the sand disperses in the wind.
Waves silently crawl to tickle her toes.
Soft lips of the breeze caress her cheeks.
She breathes in salt air and smiles.
Branches of a nearby tree conduct the song.
She closes her eyes, and listens to the chorus of silence.

The other day Baron Ectar spoke of "Easy Silence". To me easy silence is part of being able to be at peace with yourself. I love to sit by myself and just reflect. I can sit and just enjoy being in my own skin. So many people I know are afraid of their own skin, afraid to sit in silence and think. It reflects an ability to look inside yourself and really be able to talk to yourself.

One of my favorite places is the ocean. I love to take off my shoes and walk along a deserted beach. I love to feel the sand on my feet and the wind in my hair. Watch the power of the waves as they send spray up from hitting the rocks. I feel so small again the might of the ocean, but yet feel so at peace there. There is nothing more beautiful than the splash of color as the sun moves from the sky and appears to sink into the water.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Used to be

Growing was difficult to say the least.

My step dad divorced my mom and she went a little off the deep end. She didn't have a job, and was mentally unable to get one. We lost the house she and I were renting. She was willing to sleep at the mission or where ever she found a park bench. I was not willing to live like that, so the age of fourteen I found myself on my own. I got a job (had to fib about my age) and lived with families from my church and school friends.

Between the ages of 14 and 18, I moved 18 times. I became good at packing and moving. I kept things in boxes and only unpacked the essentials I needed for everyday. As I got tired of moving things became less important to me as it got more and more difficult to lug stuff around. This caused me to have a hard time putting down roots. To this day I have a hard time thinking of a home as mine, or even putting my things out. I actually still have things in boxes. One of these days, I want to really feel like I am home. I am going to take every last thing I own out and never keep boxes again.

These four years of my life were some of the loneliest of my life. I used writing and music as a means and release of not holding in the anger and the pain. Most of my writing was poems, but I also wrote some short stories. Some of the people I have shared them with say they are very sad and very dark. Yes, they are, they are a reflection of some very dark thoughts, sadness, and despair. But this was my release. I was able to go on about life, function and not fall apart or explode.

Having said that I want to share another poem I wrote. This is one that my English teacher asked me to submit for our class anthology. This one is a bit darker than the other one I shared in my other post. I clearly remember the day this was written. I felt very lonely and empty. I was thinking about my childhood and the abuse I had endured.

Unbearable Reality
Single, salty tear creeps down,
leaving behind a wet trail.
Hot and bitter,
emotions erupt.
Fires of anger, drowned by fears.
Pain fills the slaughtered soul.
Billows of coldness surround.
Time can't heal the memories.
Hand of pain,
strikes again.
Invisible, unbearable scars.
Thoughts of intense agony.
Pleas that fall upon ears of the silent.
Detachment of mind eases the pain,
but only for a time.
Walls built up, only to be torn down.
Protection can not be found.
Darkness encloses.
Images swirl,
blur of the day.
Eyes grow heavy,
slumber encompasses.
Struggles begin once again.
Cold sweat,
gasping for air.
Only a dream,
but reality holds its context.
I promise, I will also share some happy stuff I wrote and I have started writing again and when I finish something I will share it.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Another Day

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. It was a day for lovers...a day to be sweet and thoughtful to the person you love, but it has just become a day that just sucks! Not to say I don't like to feel special on this day....

I think that people who love each other need to strive each and everyday to make it work. Everyday a person awakes is a conscious effort to be a good husband/wife. Why should there be just one day a year that someone makes a special effort. It has become so commercialized, roses and candy double in price...things are expected...and the people that have no one in their lives feel like crap when every woman in the office receive $200 roses.

To me I would rather someone make a conscious effort to be a good partner and do the small things that make a relationship what it is. I would rather have a handpicked wildflower and a post-it-note that that says "I love you" than $200 in red roses (don't get me wrong, I love roses...but I would rather have them on a regular day than on Valentines day). I would rather get flowers brought home just to say..."honey I was thinking about you today."

It is the small details that make me happy. It is a look, a shared smile, a private joke. A comfortable silence that speaks louder than mere words. A touch that means a thousand things. There are the small things about the person you love, that you know brings them joy. Concentrate on these things and make the person know you love them daily.

Back when my ex used to try...he know I checked our PO Box every morning and he would go get one of my favorite chocolates and put it in a tiny box. He would put it in the PO Box for me to find when I got the mail. That is one of the sweetest memories I have, too bad he stopped trying.

Let me share a story of a girl I worked with a few years back. She is a well off, spoiled city girl. Who was dating a farm boy. The farm boy was enamored with this girl, and would have done almost anything for her.

Valentines Day came around, and through out the day several girls in our office received bouquets of flowers from their spouses. After lunch I was up front doing some paperwork and a delivery person came in with more flowers, she jumped up and said, "Are those for me? Oh they aren't red roses!" They were for another girl in the office, but she started complaining that they guy she was dating hadn't sent her roses. (Note: These people had only been dating about 2 months.) She said, "He better send me roses, or I am going to be pissed."

At this point my eyes were bugging out of my head at her audacity. BUT she this point she actually picked up her cell phone and texted this poor guy...asking where her roses were. I was absolutely aghast at her! I couldn't believe she had done that. At this point I walked away...I could not take anymore of the selfish, bitchy crap she was dishing out.

The next day, I just had to ask...did ya ever get roses? She rolled her eyes and said "ya, but he surprised me with them, he had dinner, a bottle of wine, a gift and roses waiting at my apartment when I got home. It was no big deal." I wanted to kill her!!! I couldn't believe that she was angry, that he saved money and made a nice dinner for her to surprise her and she was unhappy about it! People like her don't deserve to have someone waste their time on them.

I was so angry at her that she expected something...then she had the nerve to ask where her flowers were....When you have to ask, that in itself tells you where you really stand...

Take the time to make the person you love feel special, but make sure they know its not just because it Valentines Day...but because you truly love them.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Vulnerable Side

This weekend I read Wizened Wizards it she spoke of the need to express herself and the desire to be creative. I too share a burning desire to share and create.

Reading her blog opened my thoughts again about returning to my writing. I used to write, as a release for life. I was young and in high school and life was extremely rough for me. My honors English teacher kept encouraging me to write, he said I had an unleashed talent that needed to be explored. But after high school I tucked away the hurts and along with that went the writing.

I would like to share a poem I wrote in high school. Understand I am really almost reluctant to share this. This was written when I was going some of the hardest times of my life. This is very When I was younger I wrote with confidence, now I feel rusty.....I would love to hear constructive criticism...if you have something unkind to say I don't want to hear it....

Midnight in the Middle of Day

The empty cold enfolds all around you,
you feel ensnared by its ugly claws.
In desperation, you search for escape,
an escape from loneliness,
instead it draws you deeper,
deeper into the gaping void of despair.
You grasp wildly at anything for hope,
but in the moat of despair, nothing floats.
In time, you have no faith left.
As the tide wains, so does strength,
the strength of character ebbs away.
Life's pain crashes down 'round you.
You search for shelter,
a hiding place from life.
There is no place to hide, no shelter.
Waves of pain crash down,
over your drowning soul.
All hope is given up,
You're caught in the shadows,
the shadows of loneliness.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Pass No Judgement

I have had enough! I have had enough of closed minded people who judge others based on a misguided, conception of what society and the media has labeled other people.

People often judge others because they are gay, or lesbian or goth or a flamer or any other non-conforming belief there is. I have met so many wonderful people who have one of these "labels" and it pisses me off that there are so many others in society who refuse to get to know these wonderful people because they can't see past their own nose.

There are good and bad in all races, sexes, colors, creeds and types of people. A person should never be judged on the color, sexuality, creed or belief. I believe that a should be held responsible for each of there individual actions alone.

I dated a guy not to long ago that got into a small debate with me and I wanted to clobber him over the head. He was a good 'ole country boy, who thinks there is only one right way and that is his way.

There was a commercial on TV about a toy of some kind that was educational and could be given to both girls and boys. He stated, "No boy of mine is ever going to have a doll." And oh boy, was the argument on!!!!

I myself would not purposely buy a boy a doll, but the flat out, judgemental way he stated that pissed me off to the point of seeing red. I in turn asked him if he had a son and a daughter and they were playing together and the boy was playing with a doll of the sisters, how would he react. He said he would take it away and hand him a truck. If the child grabbed a doll a second time, he would whip the kids butt.

We argued about that for two days, until I realized he was a closed minded guy who would never be able to look at others without the proverbial blinders he had over his eyes. Needless to say that was a short lived relationship.

This rant stems from a comment made by a friend the other night at dinner. I reminded them that they were being very closed minded about the subject and they laughed and agreed they were.

To me when someone is quick to judge, it is because of fear. It may be a fear of the unknown about the other person. I remember back when I was in beauty college and I encountered the first "gay" person in my life. "Markie" was different than anyone I had ever met. I didn't know what to think. It went against the upbringing I had, it went against every thing society said. I got to know the person, and when I felt comfortable I asked about it. I have been laughed at by others for asking, but I was curious and really liked this person, so I wanted to know about them. After speaking with this person, they became near and dear to my heart.

Take the time to know someone, take the time to care.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Old Fashioned Customer Service

I almost don't have words to describe how frustrating and disappointing my day was today.

About a month ago one of our designer book a large installation of a job over $10,000, to be installed today. From this one install we had the possibility of 5 more homes over the next year bringing in close to $60,000 in revenue for our company. When we get these big jobs in, we detail them and try to prepare, so that things go smoothly and the buyer feels comfortable writing a whopping $10,000 check to us.

This morning when I walked into work things seemed to be going so-so. The guys left at 8:00 to this job, later than they were should have to be there at the scheduled time of 9-10 (they had a 2.5 hour drive to reach this install site). BUT, if the guys are going to be late to an appointment they are required to call the customer and let them know they are late, and give an ETA of when they will be arriving. Almost all customers are fine with this, as most customers understand that traffic, accidents and such are unforeseeable occurrences.

Unfortunately at 10:40 I received a call from the designer stating the customer was beyond pissed as it was after 10:30 and none of the installers had called to say they were running late. I immediately got in touch with the installers manager and had him call the customer...things went from bad to worse. Our guys did not show up until 11:30 and had no excuse for there whereabouts.

What I am pissed about is we lost all the other installs from this client. All my guys had to do was one freaking phone call telling the customer they were running late. ONE FUCKING PHONE CALL. We lost $60,000 in potential sales and on top of that one of my installers had an attitude about it. I wanted to go through the phone and wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze, squeeze until .............

I am one of those people that call people sir and ma'am, I thank people for their business. If I tell someone I am going to call them, I do. I try to follow up on everything. Of course I am human and I do screw up, but I don't blame others or make excuses...I am the first one to say "OH no, I messed up", but then I try to do whatever is necessary to make it right.

My dad was a business owner and he taught me forever ago that the customer is the most valuable asset a company has. Without them, there is no company and no paycheck. He believed that the customer is always right. I 100% believe that, except when a customer is verbally abusive to an employee. There is no reason for a customer to be verbally abusive.

In a situation where I am a consumer, I can not stand it when the person I am seeking answers from doesn't know and makes no more to find out for me. Or when a young person is smacking gum, speaking in slang...talking to other coworkers about their wild night last night while helping me. Or when a person in customer service states they will call me back and they don't.

There is no reason for an employee to bring their bad mood or personal problems to work. If things are really bad, stay home and deal with the problem. No customer deserves to be the brunt of an employees bad mood.

I could go on and on about the lack of people who practice good customer service.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Off the Deep End

As almost everyone knows the big news this week is about the lil lady astronaut, who drove 900 miles in a diaper to capture the person she saw standing in loves way.

This scenario is interesting on so many levels. To me there is a fine line between loving someone enough to lay down your life for them and being willing to take a life for them. I have loved so deeply that I would have taken injury to save the other person from pain. There are so many things a person would do for someone they love.

Grrr...I have so many thoughts on this and am having trouble getting them out.

When you love someone with a true and unselfish love, you want the other person to grow, feel loved, protect them from the world. There is give and take, there is trust and communication. There is even arguing and making up.

I really have a hard time seeing or comprehending what brings a person to the mental place where the lady was. To wear a diaper and travel to go meet the supposed lover rival. Geez, mentally you have to really be at a very scary place. That goes beyond normal into a realm of unbalanced and unstable.

This lady has so many things going for her...a career, she has been to space, (how many women can claim that? ) Yet there is something in her that is not satisfied with herself. There is something driving her beyond a level of reason.

I know people say that between love and hate is a very fine line...I just am having hard time really understand the driving force behind her desire to harm this other lady.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

This and That

Well, so far this week has started out as kind of a long week. Work hours have been long.

And I have freaking writers block...or blog block, which ever works. I feel like writing, I sit here staring at the screen. There are things on my mind and things I want to talk about, but when I sit to write there is just nothing, just nothing.

I think some of it comes with the frustration I feel at work right now. Both days this week I have had to go without lunch, and worked from 7:30 until 5. I think I already feel burnt out. My new position is great and I am greatful to have my job, but I think employee abuse is against the law!!!!

I hope soon, that this writers block thing will go away, this is my daily way to relax and kick back.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

WE are Victorious

When the game first started, I have to admit I was a bit worried...Bears scored in the first play. BUT in the rest of the game the Colts dominated. In the second dominated the entire half!!!

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO..... anyways...

Today I worked hard to clean so we could have a few people over, the barbeque was a hit...the game was good, (and wet). I am super buzzed. Hopefully I can write decent blog being buzzed.

I was thinking....I really enjoy the people I have meet in this blog neighborhood. We all seem to share one anothers sorrows and triumphs! I find myself thinking about ailing MIL's, DD's hockey games, Rockdogs book, LB's fire engine, Chucky going off to school, Barons farm, Dirks baby and wife, and all my other friends and neighbors. I just want all the people I have meet to know that I really appreciate you. Your friendship I cherish. Your blogs are inspirational. Thank you and keep it up.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Hands of time

Today something happened that made me feel...I can't even describe it, happy, sad, relieved and many other feelings. All my life I have waited for my mother to grow enough to just say I am sorry, or even just admit there was more she could have done to be a better mother.

This blog is not one of sadness, even though there were tears shed, this is a blog just sharing something that I never expected to happen and the joy it brought me.I got a package in the mail today. It was from my mother. I opened it up to revel a book inside. It appeared to be a childrens book. Upon further was "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.

This book brings bitter - sweet memories for me. I put it aside and could not even look at it for several hours. After a few glasses of wine , I was able to pick it up and begin to read...Several years ago, I attended a mother - son sweetheart night at school on Valentines Day. My step-son Gilbert and I went. There were valentines, and pictures taken, moms and sons danced to oldies, that night was so much fun. The last event of that evening was the librarian reading this book aloud. By the end of the story as moms were starting to pull their sons closer to them, there was not a dry mommy eye in the house. That night is a wonderful memory for me.

Tonight as I sat reading, the tears were once again pricking the back of eyes as the story brought the memories of that night back....I get to the last page of the book and noticed a letter.It was a letter written from my mother....She says "How I wish I could turn time around and make everything different but I can't. I wish I could take you to the park. I wish do things and go more places together the way mothers and daughters do. When I had my chance, I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me....Why is it people always find out the mistakes they make when they are old. I wish I could sing to you...
I'll love you forever...
I'l like you for always
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."

To my mom:

Mom, I forgave you many years ago. I can't tell you how many years I have waited to hear you say these very words to me. All the years with the heartache and abuse, I just wanted to hear these words. Yes, I forgive you... Time can not change the past, but there is always the present to get to know each other again. I love you forever.