Monday, February 12, 2007

Vulnerable Side

This weekend I read Wizened Wizards it she spoke of the need to express herself and the desire to be creative. I too share a burning desire to share and create.

Reading her blog opened my thoughts again about returning to my writing. I used to write, as a release for life. I was young and in high school and life was extremely rough for me. My honors English teacher kept encouraging me to write, he said I had an unleashed talent that needed to be explored. But after high school I tucked away the hurts and along with that went the writing.

I would like to share a poem I wrote in high school. Understand I am really almost reluctant to share this. This was written when I was going some of the hardest times of my life. This is very When I was younger I wrote with confidence, now I feel rusty.....I would love to hear constructive criticism...if you have something unkind to say I don't want to hear it....

Midnight in the Middle of Day

The empty cold enfolds all around you,
you feel ensnared by its ugly claws.
In desperation, you search for escape,
an escape from loneliness,
instead it draws you deeper,
deeper into the gaping void of despair.
You grasp wildly at anything for hope,
but in the moat of despair, nothing floats.
In time, you have no faith left.
As the tide wains, so does strength,
the strength of character ebbs away.
Life's pain crashes down 'round you.
You search for shelter,
a hiding place from life.
There is no place to hide, no shelter.
Waves of pain crash down,
over your drowning soul.
All hope is given up,
You're caught in the shadows,
the shadows of loneliness.


Jay said...

Well I think it's amazing and you should do more writing and more poetry. I know it's hard to put yourself out there even from the relative anonymity of a blog. Good job!

Chucky said...

First Comment FTW

I like it. It's a really good poem. Has feeling.

oh yeah...I like it!

Chucky said...

damn...not the first.

bardouble29 said...

Jay - Thank you, it was kinda scary to put that out there. I write almost every day, but not about things that are really close to my heart. I appreciate your thoughts.

Chucky - nope you are not the first to comment...thanks for reading, glad you liked it.

James Burnett said...

Very deep. I was impressed.

bardouble29 said...

James - Thank you. I appreciate it.

Dorky Dad said...

I can't offer any constructive criticism, as poetry is not my good suit. So long as the poem has rhythm, I'm good.

I liked it.

skinnylittleblonde said...

I think it's beautiful, especially coming from a HS kid! You should continue your writing, be it poetry or just is a great escape. And even though you may have tucked the pains of your youth away when you left HS... you still have an entire life, a mere thought, a gazillion experiences, hopes, dreams & fears that you have explored & have yet to explore ...
Writing (kinda like hugging;) is one of the most unselfish, selfish things we can do ...especially if we share it.

BTW, reading this poem took m back to a time when I sat in the sands of the beach & had my own guttural sobs drowned out by the sounds of the waves & the wind... reminding me I am both big & small. TY!

susan said...

Very well written, especially for a high school kid. It really discribes the angst that so many of us felt (and sometimes still feel).

Have you written anything recently? ...even if you aren't willing to share right now, I hope you are writing.

Anne said...

Sometimes it's a rush to put it all out there, and find out that people respond well. Emotional skydiving, baby!
I LOVE your poem. That bulletproof feeling I wrote about yesterday, that's the "good days." what you wrote about here, which I can totally relate to, were the "bad days." you brought a tear to my eye... in a good way. Thanks.

RockDog said...

I'm not a big poetry fan, but this read very smoothly. The flow of words was almsot perfect...

And why is it that you don't do more of this?

Write and the rust will fade away. You just have to get back in the swing of it.


captain corky said...

Poetry takes a lot of guts I think. Especially to post on a blog. It's a great poem and I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Baron Ectar said...

You must must write more - hell woman I would even help you publish the thing - I would be the first to buy the first case.

This is awesome!!!

Speaks so loud and this my friend will help others deal with stuff that they cant find the words to express what they are feeling.

Wonderful - sad yes - but healing when you write

Dont stop write more!

Anonymous said...

This is a great poem, Bar! I especially like the title, it's very fitting to the tone of the poem.

"waves of pain crash down, over your drowning soul."

I also like how you use the watery image here.

Very nice, very inspiring. Kinda wants to make me post some of my work too! Maybe another time. :)

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Wonderful poem Bardouble!

The only critisim I have is about these three lines:

but in the moat of despair, nothing floats.
In time, you have no faith left.
As the tide wains, so does strength

Please know that I am not an expert but I would either take the commas out of the middle of the lines or break the lines where the commas are. I think it would flow better IMO. Just my two cents... And your teacher was right, you should continue to write.

Happy Valentine's Day!