Today something happened that made me feel...I can't even describe it, happy, sad, relieved and many other feelings. All my life I have waited for my mother to grow enough to just say I am sorry, or even just admit there was more she could have done to be a better mother.
This blog is not one of sadness, even though there were tears shed, this is a blog just sharing something that I never expected to happen and the joy it brought me.I got a package in the mail today. It was from my mother. I opened it up to revel a book inside. It appeared to be a childrens book. Upon further inspection...it was "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.
This book brings bitter - sweet memories for me. I put it aside and could not even look at it for several hours. After a few glasses of wine , I was able to pick it up and begin to read...Several years ago, I attended a mother - son sweetheart night at school on Valentines Day. My step-son Gilbert and I went. There were valentines, and pictures taken, moms and sons danced to oldies, that night was so much fun. The last event of that evening was the librarian reading this book aloud. By the end of the story as moms were starting to pull their sons closer to them, there was not a dry mommy eye in the house. That night is a wonderful memory for me.
Tonight as I sat reading, the tears were once again pricking the back of eyes as the story brought the memories of that night back....I get to the last page of the book and noticed a letter.It was a letter written from my mother....She says "How I wish I could turn time around and make everything different but I can't. I wish I could take you to the park. I wish do things and go more places together the way mothers and daughters do. When I had my chance, I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me....Why is it people always find out the mistakes they make when they are old. I wish I could sing to you...
I'll love you forever...
I'l like you for always
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."
To my mom:
Mom, I forgave you many years ago. I can't tell you how many years I have waited to hear you say these very words to me. All the years with the heartache and abuse, I just wanted to hear these words. Yes, I forgive you... Time can not change the past, but there is always the present to get to know each other again. I love you forever.