Sunday, April 29, 2007


Over the last few days a few of my blog friends have written blogs that are making me think...Enemy of the Republic, Anne, Spongy.

I keep starting and restarting this blog. I know what I want to say, but I can not put the words down. Maybe it will be easier to start with my own background.

My mom, is a hardcore, staunch, black and white, wrong and right, her way only, scripture quoting, Bible toting christian. I grew up in this environment. Even though I went to a christian school, my mom was judgemental of all my friends. Her skirt was too short, or how dare her mother allows her to wear makeup. I was pretty much a loner, because my mom chased all my friends away with her judgemental self.

I remember my mother shouting down hell, fire and brimstone if she saw a pregnant young girl. If there was a gay young person, she would preach at them. I remember wanting the earth to open and swallow me out of embarrassment. And God forbid I tell her to stop, she would turn on me and tell me that if I was not for God then I was against God. That if I was sitting on the fence, I would be spewed out of his mouth.

Yep, those were the days....Today, I don't have my mind made up on all issues, but I do know that I do not judge people based on their color, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. I have friends of many different races, of different sexual orientations and different beliefs. I love each one of them the same and though, I may not always agree with them, I do not judge them.

I myself was in an interracial marriage. It was really hard. There was a clash of cultures, friends and family. People told my darker skinned husband that we would never make it, I was just a stupid white girl. That I wouldn't "get" him. That someone of his own race would take better care of him than I could. Though, our marriage did break up (we were together over 10 years) it was not due to it being a racial issue.

I have friends that are black and nothing makes me angrier than when other black or white people make racist comments about me or my friends. The racism goes both ways. My girlfriend gets just as much crap as I do.

Why does it matter color of skin, sexual orientation, or beliefs??? There are bad and good in all people and places. The God I know told us to love all people, not just the ones who are easy to love and accept...all people.

There is so much more to this, but I am still having a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings, this is a blog that I will expound on more at a later time.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

So much Drama!

People astound me....

I am getting into my new job, and am being blown away by people.

The majority of the people that are renting are people recently going through a divorce or people getting ready to divorce and want a place for when they break the news.

We have another couple that is there in top secret. The apartment is in her name only. He can't because he is someone famous and he can't let his ex know he is remarried or living there.

People walk into rent an apartment and I find out more about them in 15 minutes time. I know the ones who are getting divorced, using them as a love nest and the ones who are hiding from ex's.

Why would you open up that much??? I don't think I have ever laid bare my soul to a girl renting me an apartment.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It doesn't Hurt.

I try to tell myself it doesn't hurt. As of today I. am. a. gramma.

I was not there for the birth, neither was her father. We were not welcome. This hurts him far more than it hurts me. When he called me 4 times tonight to let me know the status, the hurt was raw in his voice.

I wonder who this little girl has become. The little girl I raised was a delight, she was spirited, a jabber jaw, precious, innocent, an artist, and determined. She was determined to not become what her own mother was (remember I was the step-mom). Her own mother was a teenage mom and then didn't want to have kids. She was determined to become something, she ranged between wanting to be a pediatrician and an artist. (She has a genuine God given artists ability, she draws very, very well). I encouraged her to follow her heart.

When I decided that a divorce from her daddy was appropriate, it broke me that I had to leave these kids, but since I was only a step mom, I had no leverage what so ever over those kids.

I found out in October that my baby was having a baby. Over the past 4 months, it has been a real burden and heartache. She decided to run away from home, as her father demanded that the young man show some respect and was not allowed at the house without an adult being present. I think right now I am hurting more for her dad, than for me...that is his flesh and blood and he was told not to come to the hospital as he was not welcome. He is finding out the details from gramma.

I just want to know where my little jabber jaw went and when she was replaced with this arrogant, little girl, that thinks she is an adult.

Monday, April 23, 2007

First Day

Started my new job today. It was full of new faces and forms to fill out.

Then we were informed we were going to go through the sexual harassment course. I have been through so many I could do it asleep, so I thought no problem. The HR person took us to a learning center and seated us. She set us up on our own computers and explained that we did the work books and then took a test at the end that we had to pass at 70% or better.

I hate tests....hate 'em!

This was the most thorough sexual harassment training course I have ever taken. It explained every single nuance of harassment and gave examples and defined each and every term. It was a three hour long process, but I scored a 96% wooohooo for me.

Then I found out for my position I have many other tests that I must pass...uck! So I spent all day today sitting on my butt at a computer learning about the Fair Housing Act, and Leasing for Life and tomorrow is more tests.

The fair housing act was actually interesting, it was really based on history and gave dates and events as to when the federal government started changing laws against discrimination.

I found out that Federal law is the big over all laws, then it break down further in state and get detailed as it breaks down to local law.

I am not allowed to ask any question what so ever that might make a person feel like I am discriminating in any way. I even have to take notes down as to when people call asking about an availability so I can not be sued.


Mrs. Henry calls at 10 am looking for a 2 bedroom unit, there are none available.
Mr. Jones give a 30 day notice at 3 pm.
Mr and Mrs. Smith come in at 3:30 looking for a two bedroom unit.

I have to document the time and dates so that Mrs. Henry can not come back in and say I discriminated against her by not giving her the apartment.

There are SOOO many rules and regulations. Its nuts!

But overall the more I find out about the company, I am super excited. It seems like a great place to work.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Shame on ME!

This weekend I went to Salinas to visit my dear friend. She is quite a bit older than me and I call her mom. She actually looks like she could be my mom. She is reliving her youth and has been doing so for several years. She parties harder than I do. Weekends spent with her exhaust me.

I drove over Friday afternoon and we went to dinner, then she wanted to head over to the American Legion. It was pretty packed with people, though the average age was about 80. I did get asked to dance quite a bit. Had a few drinks and watched "mom" do shots of Patron. She is dangerous when taking shots (ever heard the song "tequila makes her clothes fall off?")

Our group closed down the legion and she still wanted to party, so we headed over to a local hole in the wall bar and there was karoke. She LOVES karoke, alot!!!! So she put in a few songs. I do not do karoke under any circumstances at all!

While in there, I was a bit nervous as I dislike crowded bars. I was overtly looking around so, I could figure out where people were, and if I felt there needed to be any worry of fights etc. I ordered a glass of wine and was trying to drink it. I saw two BIG girls pointing at me, and I really got nervous.

A few minutes later I realize there is someone openly staring at me. I glance to my left and there is a man getting another beer. He points to the bottle and nods, not saying a word. Then he turns and openly stares at me. I really dislike that! I purposely dog him and turn my body to ignore him. Finally he grabs his beer and walks away. The crowd in the bar started to thin out a bit and I relaxed.

A few guys came up to ask me to dance, I was starting to have a little fun, but I kept noticing the same guy was staring at me. I told "mom" that I was wanting to go home, she didn't want to. I sighed and started talking to some girl standing next to me. A few minutes later someone bumps into me, I turned to say Excuse ME! and its the guy that had been staring at me. I was about to unleash holy hell on him, when he starting signing to me that he was deaf. Boy, did I feel like crap. Thank God I know some sign language, he said sorry for staring he was trying to get my attention. We ended up talking (signing), he was a super sweet guy.

But shame on me for judging him. I am going to be very honest. When I first saw him staring I immediately labeled him in my mind. And let me tell you the labels I put on him were rude and mean. I judged this poor man based on how he looked and his actions, rather than who he was.

So that is why I say shame on me!

Friday, April 20, 2007

2nd Try

Yesterday, I tried to write this blog and blogger decided to eat my post, so I am trying this again.

My new job is with the largest property management company here in my local area. My new position is a leasing agent at a brand new property that is being built in Clovis, Ca.

The company offers many perks for their employees, starting with the usual benefits, and 401k, vacation, sick days and many ways to earn bonus'.

Yesterday, was an interesting day for me. I got to see the reality of the company and meet all the owners and bigwigs. There was an annual training day that they asked me to attend even though I don't officially start until Monday. I got to see the benefit of working for a very large company and I also got to see some of the daily challenges I will face.

I am a people watcher and I was seated in the back of the room and got to watch all of the interaction of the employees and the training staff. It was so interesting to watch.

There were the people that have been with the company for years and were know-it-alls, and did not want to change to the new policies.

There were others that were fairly new like me and were lost (like me).

There were others that just kept repeating "I just don't get it!"

and many other personalities. I was impressed with the training staff, as they tried very hard to answer all questions but also keep the training machine moving forward.

For me it was just information overload. Thank God I was sitting next to the girl I will be working with and she explained things to me as we went along.

California has some crazy laws about what is considered "Fair Housing Act". There are SO many rules and regulations. I have so much to learn, but I love a challenge and pretty soon (hopefully) I will be leasing apartments like a pro.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


I freaking hate blogger.....I just got through typing a LONG blog about my new job and the interesting day I had and I hit PUBLISH and the entire blog disappeared....

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I got the joobbbb, I got the jooooobbbbb. Whoooohoooooooo.

Geez talk about taking off a burden. Its contingent upon passing a drug test....I will have no problem with that....

I have been so stressed out over not having a job. I feel so much better now. Thanks to all of you that have had me in their thoughts.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Random Thoughts

I have so much to say, but with all the thoughts buzzing around in my head, nothing is simply flowing from my thoughts to my fingertips....

First I wanted to mention the tragedy that occurred today at Virginia Tech. So sad that so many lives were lost. Seems if the school had reacted faster there may have been less life lost. I am NOT attacking the school, but just concerned that they thought an email two hours after the first shooting was sufficient. But having so little information available yet, does little to help us understand what happened. My heart goes out to all of the students and their families.

I have not been blogging as much as I normally do since returning from my vacation. My heart has not been in it. First I returned to the news of Baron passing, and the next day I went into work and was laid off. I don't understand why they even brought me back if things were that bad for the company, but that is another blog of its own.

I have never drawn unemployment, and never thought I would need to, don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have that to fall back on, but I really want to work. I enjoy working and being productive. I have been so depressed, I know that I did not cause this, but I have been depressed none the less.

Don't even get me started on trying to find a job again. I get sick of having to "sell" myself. And if I see one more "must be bilingual" I am gonna....well I am not gonna do anything, but why do I have to be bilingual just to get a job in my country where I was born and raised...that boils my blood. Now, I am not being judgemental or racial...I do speak quite a bit of Spanish, but not enough for a job or to be considered bilingual.

But on the brighter side I did have an interview today and it seemed to go very well, they said I would know their decision by the end of the week....Please send good job vibes my way....

Friday, April 13, 2007

My Vacation in Pictures!

My first stop was to play in Disney World for a few days.....

I played with Dinosaurs and ran all over Disney world....

After a week of wearing myself out...I boarded the Carnival Mircle for a week of fun and...

Some adult beverages....

We stopped in Crand Cayman, Cozumel, Belize, Costa Maya...Did you know that in Belize that English is the first language. In Cozumel, Belize and Costa Maya I took tours to look at all the ancient Mayan Ruins. Some of them were off limits to people walking on them and others were open to having people walk on them.

In Cozumel there were guys that were dressing up in "authentic" clothing and you could take pictures with them...

There were some of the most gorgeous beaches I have ever laid eyes on....

Wow, can you believe some of the incredible beauty that is out there?

Simply gorgeous....I love taking pictures of nature, can you tell?

Oh and did I mention that I made many new friends while on this trip....

Unfortunately they wouldn't give me a phone # or address to stay in touch.....

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Raining Today

The weather matches my mood today....

When it rains, it pours....never has this been more true in my life than the last few days.

Monday, April 09, 2007

In Memory

Last night I returned from a wonderful vacation. I was met with the news that a friend of mine had passed away.

Baron -

I want to thank you for your friendship and your wise words when I was down. You told me once in an email that you learned so much from me, but it was I who learned from you. You were such a wonderful friend. You were so passionate about your life and your children. You wrote to me about your family and how much they meant to you. You told me of your brothers and sisters. You were the first to want to look inside yourself to change and grow, you then challenged me to do the same. You were always quick with a joke or a funny saying. We shared much about our love of the same music. You stood for what you believed in and the ones you loved. I am proud to have been your friend and you are so very missed.

To everyone you had a kind word and you shared so much of yourself with all of us. I never had the opportunity to meet you in person, but after all our talks and emails, you had become such a dear friend to me. There are many, many lives that you touched.

While on vacation I learned that the Mayan cutlure does not believe in goodbye, but rather that they will meet up again in the future, whenever that may be. Their word for meeting again in the future is Sama. And to my dear friend Baron I say Sama to you.