Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It doesn't Hurt.

I try to tell myself it doesn't hurt. As of today I. am. a. gramma.

I was not there for the birth, neither was her father. We were not welcome. This hurts him far more than it hurts me. When he called me 4 times tonight to let me know the status, the hurt was raw in his voice.

I wonder who this little girl has become. The little girl I raised was a delight, she was spirited, a jabber jaw, precious, innocent, an artist, and determined. She was determined to not become what her own mother was (remember I was the step-mom). Her own mother was a teenage mom and then didn't want to have kids. She was determined to become something, she ranged between wanting to be a pediatrician and an artist. (She has a genuine God given artists ability, she draws very, very well). I encouraged her to follow her heart.

When I decided that a divorce from her daddy was appropriate, it broke me that I had to leave these kids, but since I was only a step mom, I had no leverage what so ever over those kids.

I found out in October that my baby was having a baby. Over the past 4 months, it has been a real burden and heartache. She decided to run away from home, as her father demanded that the young man show some respect and was not allowed at the house without an adult being present. I think right now I am hurting more for her dad, than for me...that is his flesh and blood and he was told not to come to the hospital as he was not welcome. He is finding out the details from gramma.

I just want to know where my little jabber jaw went and when she was replaced with this arrogant, little girl, that thinks she is an adult.

22 comments:

Jay said...

*shakes head*

Babies having babies.

It tears so many families apart and ruins so many lives.

I have no answers.

Chucky said...

oh I dont even know what thay is like. That is just insane.

susan said...

0ohhh....hopefully she'll decide that she needs you guys in her life after all.

I'm sorry for the pain this is causing all of you...

RockDog said...

I hope thing work out okay in the end.

Gardener Greg said...

Just have faith. Time heals all wounds and things will improve. I know, I have been there. My daughter had a very promissing music career ahead of her. She is a very talented singer and musician. However just after highschool, she announced that she was getting married. There was nothing we could do to stop her. She was very determined to go through with it and did get married. I did go to the wedding and gave her away even though I know she was too young. Seven months later, we found out why she was pushing so hard. Yes I am a grandparent too but a really hip one and I prefer to be called
G-Daddy. lol She is now pregnant with #3 and barely making it but I still have faith that one day things will work out for her. Just try to be there when the door opens and step in. Best of luck to you and I do really know what you are going through.

Greg

Enemy of the Republic said...

My best friend has gone through this with her niece. Both she and I ended up taking care of the baby for a summer. If you are still active in the life of the mother, you will be doing the baby a blessing. Email me any time.

Craig D said...

Has your daughter posted a picture of your grand child on her MySpace page yet? (That's where you found out about all this, isn't it?)

Well, it is cold comfort to know that now SHE has to raise a child.

Which is to say, "Congratulations?"

dawn said...

This is a differcult situation, my heart goes out to you. I think in time she will come around. She'll just have to grow up faster then should be. Congrats and good luck

captain corky said...

Sad. Hopefully in a couple of years everyone will let go of the hurt and the anger, and things will be ok.

just me said...

I have had some experience with being the left-out "Grandma" and it hurts. It hurts like hell. I hope your situation improves, and she comes to her senses. She has a lot of growing up to do.

singleton said...

Oh, sweetie, your little jabber jaw has gone where many before her have gone....but, she will be back....
And she will know, what the two of you have known all along....
that love is unconditional.
Bless you all....

Scary Monster said...

Tis the way of things. We begin to break when we forget to bend.
And passion makes no distinction in age. The power of anger and retribution will always be tempered with love, patience and forgiveness.

stomp.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I don't have the answers. I can only offer {{{HUGS}}}. Is there anyway you could try and become part of this girl's life again? She needs a good role model.

Dorky Dad said...

Unfortunately, I think that this can happen to the best of kids. But I'm really sorry that all this is happening ... that is definitely tough.

Beth said...

aww...that is so sad, cuz she needs you now more than ever. Is there any way you can see her and your new grandbaby? Boy or girl? congrats anyway, and I hope you can see the baby...and the mama.

Kati said...

I'm sorry to hear that your ex was not allowed to be there for the birth of his grandchild. And a bitter-sweet congrats "Granma Barb!" ;) As for babies having babies, it's still possible that she finds her niche in life, having a baby at a young age doesn't totally doom one to a life of an uneducated, underpaid single mom. It's still possible to lead a good life, even when one is a teen mom. My prayers that she grows up quickly, and becomes a responsible, happy adult.

Art said...

It's sad any way you look at a situation like this. Good luck. I hope things somehow work out for all involved in this...

LADY LUXIE said...

ditto Singleton...

will whisper blessings to you later...have a cup of tea..

kate said...

tough situation! I think she is young, hormonal and stubborn. Hopefully she will come around. Right now all you can do is to offer support and hope for the best! I cant imagine... having kids is soooooooo difficult even if you are married... to do it on your own and be young... ugg!

On the flip side... CONGRATS GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boy you dont look like a grandma!

Blublood said...

WOW!!! This is a tough one and I hope everything turns out well. I'll be praying for ya'...and her and him...

Later...

Blu

Anne said...

Gee, I've been trying to come up with something wise to say, but I got nuthin'. I think there's hurt on all sides. I believe she'll come back to you after a while. If I may make a suggestion... she is a mother now. If you treat her like a baby, she will distance herself more.

skinnylittleblonde said...

Love is the answer. Unconditional love. All youth go through a stage/phase where they think they know all. Having to be a mother at a young age may have thrown her on the defensive...and unconditional love will see her through this & bring her back. As hard as it has been for her father and for you, I am sure it was equally hard for her. I am sure she would love to still be your jabberjaw, she just must trust herself and you enough to feel comfortable & safe in being that. She needs reassurance. Regardless of her age, she is now more than just a child, she is a mother.
My neice became a single mom at 16. My sister was devestated, terrified, shocked & apalled... at first. Her daughter signed out of school & took her GED so she could promptly move on to higher education. She got her nursing degree while her peers were going through the traditional HS graduation. Her life changed completely...she grew up quickly, changing her priorities, as her life had changed, but really BarDouble she and her family, our family, are doing wonderful...we have learned that Love Grows sometimes in ways we don't plan. I 'm sending the warmest prayers of trust, faith and unconditional love yawls way.