Sunday, April 29, 2007

Gay-Racism-Christians

Over the last few days a few of my blog friends have written blogs that are making me think...Enemy of the Republic, Anne, Spongy.

I keep starting and restarting this blog. I know what I want to say, but I can not put the words down. Maybe it will be easier to start with my own background.

My mom, is a hardcore, staunch, black and white, wrong and right, her way only, scripture quoting, Bible toting christian. I grew up in this environment. Even though I went to a christian school, my mom was judgemental of all my friends. Her skirt was too short, or how dare her mother allows her to wear makeup. I was pretty much a loner, because my mom chased all my friends away with her judgemental self.

I remember my mother shouting down hell, fire and brimstone if she saw a pregnant young girl. If there was a gay young person, she would preach at them. I remember wanting the earth to open and swallow me out of embarrassment. And God forbid I tell her to stop, she would turn on me and tell me that if I was not for God then I was against God. That if I was sitting on the fence, I would be spewed out of his mouth.

Yep, those were the days....Today, I don't have my mind made up on all issues, but I do know that I do not judge people based on their color, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. I have friends of many different races, of different sexual orientations and different beliefs. I love each one of them the same and though, I may not always agree with them, I do not judge them.

I myself was in an interracial marriage. It was really hard. There was a clash of cultures, friends and family. People told my darker skinned husband that we would never make it, I was just a stupid white girl. That I wouldn't "get" him. That someone of his own race would take better care of him than I could. Though, our marriage did break up (we were together over 10 years) it was not due to it being a racial issue.

I have friends that are black and nothing makes me angrier than when other black or white people make racist comments about me or my friends. The racism goes both ways. My girlfriend gets just as much crap as I do.

Why does it matter color of skin, sexual orientation, or beliefs??? There are bad and good in all people and places. The God I know told us to love all people, not just the ones who are easy to love and accept...all people.

There is so much more to this, but I am still having a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings, this is a blog that I will expound on more at a later time.

28 comments:

captain corky said...

"but I do know that I do not judge people based on their color, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs"

I don't either, and that's probably one of the reasons that draws me to your blog.

Bardouble29 said...

Corky- Thanks! I love people, one of my favorite things to do is people watch. I love little quirks in people.

Jay said...

I just don't understand people who use their "Christain" bliefs as a basis for hate. There is nothing Christain about hating other people or judging other people. I just don't get it.

Not that I'm perfect or anything like that. I mean, nobody is. But at least some of try to be understanding and accepting of everyone.

Bardouble29 said...

Jay - Well said. I am a christtian and I do not hate people.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Your compassion as a person and lack of bigotry shows (even without this post).

Sometimes I think that people who shout that they are Christians the loudest are usually the ones who have forgoten what Jesus taught. You know, that stuff about kindness, tolerance, forgiveness, and not judging folks.

Anne said...

Absolutely - where do some Christians get the idea that they should judge and hate? Jesus never behaved that way.
Thank you for writing this. I think you did a good job, but if you feel there's more you need to say, nothing says you can't say it later.

susan said...

It drives me nuts how so many people use the shield of their religion to look down on others. I just don't get it...

just me said...

Having had a similar experience with the inter-racial relationship, it is unbelievable the amount of bigotry you face everyday. Good post.

Beth said...

girl, do not even get me started on this whole interracial thing....it just burns me up, the preconceived notions that people have. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Well, you know what I think. Don't worry, more of this will pour out of you. I am tired of all the hate and prejudice as well. And I am also tired of having to be nice about it, when these people are clearly not nice at all.

Kiyotoe said...

first, thanks for coming by my page to tell me what you thought of my conversation with Anne.

secondly, I think you've expressed yourself just fine and it's obvious that you'll eventually have more to share.

i think those of us who think this way, who aren't judgemental or overly prejudiced towards "different" people, get frustrated by the lack of tolerance and ignorance that we're exposed to. I wonder sometimes what it is, a person, an event, a memory, that shuts of that compassion button in peoples minds and hearts.

if God wanted us all to be the same then we would be, but i'm sure he wouldn't mind if we loved each other because of those differences rather than hate.

but that's just my opinion. ;)

Chalice said...

The interesting thing about your blog is the mention of Christian Beliefs. As Christians you are taught not to judge but then you see things like this and wonder what is a Christian? I grew up in a very racist environment so I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to form your own opinion when you have people around you constantly letting you know that the way you view the world is wrong.

Basically to sum this up, if God says don't judge because he is the only one to pass judgement, then what is going to happen to all of these Judgement-Passing God-Fearing Christians???

Great Post...

Gardener Greg said...

First of all, let me say that this is a great thought provoking topic. And judging from the replies, it sounds like many of us need to speak up on the subject. It seems like many of the ones doing the talking in the media may not be speaking for the majority.

As you know, I live in the South. “The Deep South” as they call it. I grew up in Florida, have lived all across the country and visited several other countries before settling here near Charleston SC. Charleston is called the Holy city because there are so many churches. I bet I pass over a hundred just on the way to work. I hate to see people holding the Bible or other symbols in one hand and the sword of hatred and bigotry in the other. I don’t hate the Bible though or generalize about religious people just because of a few ignorant ones. A perfect example of this is a guy I work with. He frequently brags about how much of a Christian he is around his supervisor or a women he wants to impress but then I often catch him talking about “certain people” or talking badly about women when he is with the good old boys.


Now let me tell you a positive story. Our company has a leadership conference and I twice served as a coach for the one week session. It is held at a remote location and the participants stay there for the entire week without families. It is truly a great experience and always enlightening on a personal level. Several thousand people have attended it and only two or three did not get something out of it. My second coaching session was the best. The participants are selected at random from their applications. When everyone arrived for the first day, we noticed something very strange. This session consisted of mostly white men and black women. The other coaches and I each had the same though: “This just isn’t going to work.” The conference involved a lot of personal dialogue and also some fun exercises like dancing and one on one interaction. We felt there would be no interaction at all with a class of black women and redneck men. Everyone was shy the first day but soon forgot their preconceived notions, loosened up and started to have fun. At the end of the week, there were few evident color barriers and everyone left with a better understanding of people in general. Most of the comments were that it was the most enlightening week of their lives and they never realized how similar they really were. (black and white). People just need people.

I was recently invited to a West Indies party at a friend’s house. As it turned out, I was the only white person there but I have to tell you, I had the time of my life and made some new friends. We talked about things we had in common and found out that we indeed had a lot. My point is this, color is just that color. It says nothing about what is in ones heart. We need to fight hatred where it lives (in the heart) and quit grouping people based on physical characteristics. I hope this wasn’t too long of a reply. Thanks,

Greg

Art said...

AMEN! Very well put.

Kati said...

Great post Barb!! I know what you mean about those hell-fire & brimstone christians who just don't seem to remember that Jesus said that with his death, the old law was passed away and the whole of the new law was love. To love your neighbours, and your enemies. Too many christians are focused on select parts of the old testement, completely forgetting that it's the judaic law, not the christian law, not JESUS' law! My dad's one of these bible thumping old-testement spouting christians.

As somebody who was raised fundamentalist baptist but now identifies as a pagan, I'm glad there are TRUE Christians out there, like you & Whim, who are willing to accept "backsliden christians" like me for who we are, not our religious beliefs (or lack of).

dawn said...

You poor thing. People christian or not are ignorant. My children are considered mixed race and in fact my family also(extended) are of all different races and religions. We love them all equally but there are cruel people in this world and they are not going to change. Good topic to expound on

skinnylittleblonde said...

Bardouble...I just posted on this topic on someone else's blog.

I wonder if we stripped the covers from all the books in the entire world, if people would find themselves picking up and enjoying a genre that they always thought they hated... or if some would stop reading in entirety for fear of reading something that they always thought they would hate.
Parallel to people...if our skins became transparent, how many racists/sexists/bigots would find great friends & even, love in other races/genders/people that they had thought they hated... How many would totally isolate themselves from all others just to be safe?

Bardouble29 said...

Whim - So well said, I agree that the louder they are the more judgemental they are.

Anne- Jesus brought the sinners before him. He dined with tax collectors and stopped a woman from being stone. He who is without sin should cast the first stone....We should never judge.

Bardouble29 said...

Susan - I don't get it either...how hard is it to just accept people??

Just me - there are many of us that have been in interracial marriages..it is so much of a challenge.

Beth - LOL, I think you took the words out of my mouth!!!

Ms. Enemy - I too am tired of being nice to people who judge.

Kiyotoe- Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I really enjoyed reading the conversation between you and Anne. I used to say, if God wanted us all the same he would have made robots...

Bardouble29 said...

Chalice - at least we knew it was wrong when we were growing up, and as adults we are teaching our kids to be open minded.

Greg - you are welcome to leave as long a reply as you want. You made some very good points. I love the second story about the coaching...that does prove that color of skin does not matter as long as there is common ground...

Art - Thanks!!!

Kati - Like I have said before, I love people and one of the things I enjoy most is that every day I learn something new from one of my fellow bloggers. Never quit growing and learning.

Dawn - Oh, I am not a poor thing, I feel rich, and I appreciate the marriage I had and love the fact that I learned so much about another culture. But I do feel for the ones that are constantly under pressure and hardship, by family and friends.

My dear Skinny, I love how you related it to books...Our favorite subject! I do agree that if there was not a color or " labels" there would be such a difference.

singleton said...

Arrrrrgggghh! The one subject that will get me going everytime, because i just don't get it! How on earth can we judge each other based on anything other than WHO we are? Did we all zip around like mad scientists in space before birth choosing our SKIN colors, the plot of dirty earth our parents would birth us into? No! We just landed here. Our souls tucked neatly into whatever skin we were gifted with. Thank God, we, Skinny and I and our tribe, were born into a gathered family....where babies just got plunked into Mother's arms and toddlers and little ones arrived on the wings of Angels, often having gone through hell to get here. No one "shopped" for our family. No one "picked". We all just ended up together, one big motley crew of love and Love grows....I wish people could understand that.....
Your words are profound. May they be heard over the noisy judgemental racket of those that are missing out on the greatest gift of all....The freedom to truly love.....
Peace girl....

Kati said...

Happy May Day Barb!

Queenie said...

I'm with you , it's so simple, that sometimes we are looking to far. People need people, just open your mind and heart. Think Greg said it all.

SpongyBones said...

I'm standing up, dancing and clapping here! Well put!

Mayden's Voyage said...

We grew up in similar environments-only it was my dad who was preaching all the time.
On the other hand, they were VERY clear that God created all of us- and that color didn't make us diffrent from each other- we were all exactly the same inside.

And even though I'd say I'm pretty well grounded in my faith...the verse that speaks about "Conviction" being the job of the Holy Spirit was very freeing for me. It is NEVER our place to judge or convict...our job is LOVE ONE ANOTHER- and spread the good news about that love. Period.

I may not agree with a particular life style, or religion, but I don't look at those things...I look at the person- who needs to be loved and listened to as much as I do. We are the same inside- and God made us that way.
Christ's sacrifice is the ultimate equalizer...none of us "deserved" it, and all can benefit from it.
I didn't make up those rules, He did.
:) Hugs friend~

LADY LUXIE said...

I have been here again and again in the last couple of days but every time I am about to comment..it's either I get lost in thoughts...or I'm called somewhere..

And now..a few minutes before midnight..here I am again to say that others seem to have said in much better syntax.

Let me add though...I live in a country were basically racism is of a different hue...it is here but in a more subtle form.....

Discrimination however..ah'..he is well, alive and kicking!...

I grew up being the blunt of that...memories of its angry bites still haunt me occasionally but I have overcome its venom...long story long story...

Your depiction of your mom is similar to mine..though of a different variant as well...it affected me so much..so much..so much...but..I have moved on...

And just like you...I have memories but am' having a hard time conceptualizing the templates of thoughts in my mind...All I know is...I try to be a loving person...by loving me first..that's kinda' hard...I think people who have a hard time accepting the differences in others are those who can't accept what they see inside themselves..

have a loving weekend...and I hope that you were able to make progress with that young lady who so much needs guidance...

Dirk_Star said...

Our society is currently sick.

I blame the christian fundementalists who are condemning everyone not hanging with their particular clan.

Our humanity is a trait we all share in common.

We need to foster that connection and promote the harmony it deserves.

Look for the common humanity in those you think are different from you and you'll discover a reason to love them as you do yourself.

Martha said...

Keep up the good work.