Blogging generalities

Ok, so tonight I am supposed to blog about .... Josh in a closet and boobies and other things that we laughed about but I don't remember. I had dinner with my friend tonight and really enjoyed myself. I got a lot of things off my chest and feel much better for it. (Thanks for listening and being a great friend). Wow it changes perspective from when you silently think about things in your mind and then say them out loud to someone. It think its official, I am truly crazy and psychotic, now that I have heard my own thoughts being spiken out loud.... I need to call my K before she thinks that I have truely gone off the deep end.

Life is Short

Its funny how you realize life is so very short. Someone I care very much about moved today. I feel heartbroken. They are going over 2000 miles away. It seems that all the people in my life that I have cared very deeply about always go away. My K is 2 states away and in all best intentions we talk about visiting but in over 10 years we have seen each other once in Ore. We talk all the time and are closer than ever but I miss her like crazy and now that B has left my life also I feel broken. I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face. We talked about visits, but those are just empty words to fill a void that hurts when you leave someone you love. Yesterday when I loaded them up, I vowed to myself that is was not going to hurt, but the ache hurts and I can't stop the tears.

Secrets

Right now I have secrets, that I can't share with anyone. They are secrets that make me smile, but I can't talk about them right now, so I will share them silently with my blog.

Life

Its funny my blog title is " My crazy Life" and boy does life throw curve balls at you. Growing and changing causes you to really look at yourself. I tell myself that the way I was raised doesnt really affect me. But in small subtle ways it does, some of the ways make me a stronger person and some of the ways are not so great. Who I am is not something to be ashamed of, and I used to have a passion for people to REALLY understand me, but not so much anymore. People often look at me like I am crazy for repeating stories of my past and I have even had people tell me - ya right- as I have gotten older I begin to understand that as long as I know who I am then what the hell does it matter whats others think of me. There are always going to be people who dont like me and there are plenty who love me. The ones who love me are the ones who count.

First Time for Everything

Let me start of by saying that I did something yesterday that I was terrified to do and realized that I had so missed out on the experience. It was a phenomenal experience.

Yesterday for the first time in my life I donned a helmet and got on the back of a motorcycle. My good friend had been asking me to at least try it. I finally agreed, I met up with him and he went over the basics with me, helped me put on the helmet and I climbed behind him. He was just going to go a short distance and stop to make sure I was ok with it. I was terrified, but I was trying not to let it show, but he knew I was because he said he could feel my legs trembling. But as we got moving I could feel the wind and all I can say is WOW. I loved it. We stopped a short distance down and he asked if I wanted to try a longer ride, get out of Fresno for a bit, I said sure. Hopped back on and we hit 41, the freeway was a little terrifying to me, we were going SO fast and all I could think about was how very dead I would be if we crashed. But I was watching him navigate and drive and he was very cautious, I started to relax a little and within a few minutes I wasn't hanging on so tight and I was really enjoying myself. We went up towards the Bass Lake area, it was a gorgeous day and having the wind... wow, wow, wow. When we turned around and headed back I was actually sorta bummed. When we got back I thanked him for making me try something I had always been terrified to try. He could understand my fear because of all the bad rap that bikes have, but he said the guys like him that ride for the enjoyment of the bike are very careful. Its the other guys that are stupid that crash and kill themselves.