Thursday, March 08, 2007

Growing up

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark." "How about transportation?" the father asked. "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know." "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

I read this little antidote tonight and at first I laughed at how cute and sweet it sounds...but then I got to thinking about it in terms of my own step kids.

I remember being in Jr. High and knowing what I know about the world now, I was very naive. I was just happy to have a boy "like" me. The first time a boy kissed me, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Fast forward to 19, I am married and have two step kids. They are cute, sweet and innocent.

As the kids continued to grow, their dad and I agreed that we would hit the topic of sex straight on and truly answer their question and be honest. At most questions this was easy and I always answered the questions as truthfully as possible without making it seem too...ok. I always tried to teach that being physical was not a bad or wrong thing, but that it needed to be with someone whom you loved and there were parameters that needed to be set as to how far to go etc. Most of these conversations I was able to have with a straight face and able to look my daughter in the eye.

We also had a rule in our family, that if they heard an unfamiliar term in school amongst their peers that they were to come home and ask, instead of getting the info from their friends.

Well there was one evening that girl child came home and was in serious thought mode. I knew better than to but in until she was good and ready to talk. About a half an hour before bed, she handed me a note that said she needed to have a talk.

I go in her room thinking a boy teased her, or she likes a new one etc. I sit down on the bed beside her and attempt to make small talk. She was not interested, she sat there silent for a moment, her brow furrow with trouble thoughts....Finally I said to just tell me what was on her mind.

I can honestly tell you that what came out of her mouth absolutely shocked me! I was not able to even look her in the eye, I looked at the spot where her hairline meets her forehead. I swear I turned 15 shades of red and about had a heart attack....

She turns to me and whispers, "what is finger banging? " I about died, I couldn't believe she had even heard that term....

After I about died, I told her what it was and I absolutely could not look her in the eye.

She was silent for a moment, before she made a face and replied, "yuck!" Inwardly, I said, "Thank you God!"

Kids are growing up so fast. Too damn fast.


Anne said...

Wow, kids are really advanced. It's kind of sad and scary.

singleton said...

Keep talking! Before they're grown you'll have had a 1000 heartattacks, lost your hair a few times, have nervous ticks, and babble incessantly, but they will have survived....Because you listened and you talked! Keep it up girlfriend!

Jay said...

So ... what IS finger banging?? haha

kidding... I'm not that sheltered.

THIS is why I don't have kids. I'm nowhere near responible or mature enough to deal with these types of situation. A lot of people tell me that IF I had kids I would have become more responsible. I'm not so sure. haha

RockDog said...

That's a funny story at the begining! I liked it...very cute.

I have a few more years (hopefully) before my kids start in with those questions...I hope my wife is home that day! LOL!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

No kidding! It is amazing to me how young kids are today when they loose their innocence. They know things in middle shcool that I didn't learn until late in highs school. I worry about my nieces.

Have a great weekend!

Kati said...

WOW!!!!! I'm with you on the hundred shades of red. There was a 15 year old boy I knew once, who went a hundred shades in about 3 seconds flat. I was a new mama, and made the comment to HIS mom, that I needed to go feed my DD. The 15 year old innocently asks what kind of food she eats. I simply responded that I was nursing her. The look on his face when he realized what I meant.... *PRICELESS*

On the other hand, took me YEARS to figure out what "sit & spin* meant. And I think I was a Jr. in HS before I actually understood what the F. word ACTUALLY meant (besides being a word to show one's upset). There are things I'm definitely not looking forward to explaining to my dd, and I'm sure there are things I'm going to have to get explanations from my DH about, before I pass them on to DD. LOL

Sounds like you handled it as good as could be expected!

Em said...

The key were honest! Kids deserve honesty. And you help them understand and cope with the world around them when you explain things to them. Good for you, Barb!

skinnylittleblonde said...

WoW! Thank goodness she has a wonderful woman like you to talk to. Gosh, 15 seems so young. As I look back, I recall that most of my girlfriends had lost their virginity by 16... they were doing things that they didn't even no how to define, much less, benefit from. Bless you dear double...keep up the honesty, she'll only benefit from it.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I know. It is scary. I used to think I grew up too fast, but I was an innocent compared to what is coming up now. And we walk a fine line as parents in both protecting them and arming them with the truth about life.

susan said...

Oh great! Something else to look forward to!

Acutally, we are pretty good about talking about things like that. We (ok, Shaun) tends to bring things up just as informational. It grosses the girls out, but at least they know things like that.

Baron Ectar said...

I am soooo glad that I deal with my son on these issues and my ex deals with my wife!