The other day a friend and I went to lunch. We were chit chattin' and catching up. After our lunches arrived, she had a serious look on her face. I told her to tell me what was bothering her.
Background - She is a lovely lady, who is married to a great guy of 9 years. Both have fantastic careers, and they have a small child. They live in a nice house..etc, etc. You get my point.
She looks at me and tells me that she is thinking of getting a lover. My jaw hit the floor.
So, I asked her to tell me why.
She began to share with me about the details of her marriage. She loves her hubby to death, but there is no passion, no desire, no sex between the two of them. When the act is done, is in a perfunctory manner. They do not want to get a divorce, but she states "she still has needs." I asked her if they had thought about counselling, she said he doesn't think there is a problem, so therefore doesn't think counselling is necessary. I also asked her if they have tried to spice it up a bit. She told me, she got some sexy under things, he won't try toys, and laughs when she springs some new little action on him. He says that after being married that many years, it is just not as important as it once was!
I asked her if she thought he was cheating on her. She said absolutely not. He is home every single night. He calls her during the day to tell her he loves her, he still does small things just to say " I love you" etc. He just has zero sex drive. I then told her that he should be checked out by a doctor, because medical conditions can effect a mans desire. She went back to her earlier statement that he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. I told her to talk to her own doctor about it, he might have some suggestions.
We talked further about the possibility of her taking a lover, she asked me my opinion, and I gave her my opinion. But I am curious what opinions of other people are. I know what I think about the importance of sex and passion in a marriage, but I want to know what my community of bloggers think. You guys are great and I really want to know if others think as I do, or if I am just a crazy person.