Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Mixed

I got to meet my granddaughter today...

She is tiny...she has perfect toes and slate eyes...she was dressed in a lil pink dress and her dark hair has a little bow.

She furrows her brow, and smiles, she holds your gaze, like she is trying to understand.

I felt mixed emotions getting to see and hold her today.

I held her and breathed in her baby sweetness, I drank in the coos and the smiles...

I pinched back the tears as I finally handed her back to her mommy.

I was elated, sad, happy, wistful and crushed all at the same time.

Also for the first time in a long time, I was able to wrap my arms around Alyssa and give her a hug.

The whole thing leaves me feeling thoughtful and rather pensive.

32 comments:

Art said...

Sorry for your mixed emotions but isn't it great to know that she loves you with the innocent and unconditional love that the little ones come by so naturally...

Chucky said...

I'm glad you got to see the lil girl. Hope there are many more times to come.

singleton said...

oh, may it be new beginnings for all of you....
a peek into a fresh new world....
scary at first, but....
more familiar with time...
Peace and love to all of you and your blessed little one!

captain corky said...

I can feel the love through your post. I can't wait to hold mine for the first time!

Gardener Greg said...

I have the same emotions when I hold my grand kids. I want to feel joy and embrace it but right now all I feel is "God will this kid quit acting up" I wonder when that grandfather instinct will kick in.

Anne said...

How precious. So they live near you, then? I was under the impression they were in Kansas.
I think the mixed feelings will go away as the baby gets older and you get used to her being there.

RockDog said...

Sounds like a very sweet time, gram. The new baby smell...nothing better. :)

Em said...

Sorry for the mixed feelings, but a new life brings new opportunities for families.

Jay said...

It's great that you got to meet her and hold her. Hopefully you will see her often.

dawn said...

I'm so happy you finally got to see her in person and for the hugs to Alyssa. I often wonder how I'll feel when mine have kids. Who am I kidding I will be glowing and probably the most over indulgent grandma on the block. Congrats

The Lone Beader said...

It is perfectly natural to feel mixed emotions...

just me said...

Hug her so tight, and make them pry your fingers loose. So glad you got to see her and hold her. Grandchildren, meant to be spoiled.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Would you mind emailing me your mixed emotions? I know I will face this. Babies are so precious.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

She sounds so precious. I'm so glad that you got to meet her and I'm sorry that the occasion was mixed with sadness.

Beth said...

yay for holding the grandbaby! They smell so good...and for hugging her mommy too. Babies can bring people together like nothing you've ever seen...

susan said...

I'm so glad you finally got to meet her and hug your girl. Hopefully now that the door has been opened, seeing your sweet grandbaby will become commonplace.

Echo said...

what a wonderful experience! The mixed emotions seem natural considering the situation but it's ok. What's important is that you got to see both your daughter and your granddaughter. Nothing can take away that moment.

doragon said...

aww that is so sweet. i'm glad you were able to spend some time with your granddaughter. babies are so soft and cuddly. smiles. hopefully there will be more times like that for you.

Dorky Dad said...

At least you held her. My FIL wouldn't go near his grandson when he first met the boy. He had to be cajoled into doing so.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Oh, Sweet Lady, a new generation has entered, hasn't it? (Time marches on, what an apt choice of music! I do love your taste, I always stay longer to hear a selection.) It's hard not to reflect back to other babies, other times, other mothers, when you hold a precious new addition in your arms. Happier times ahead, though. x

LADY LUXIE said...

I think what you need is a huggy back...so here..

*hug* ...tight...

you'll be all right..

SpongyBones said...

Bet you feel rather old too!

Kati said...

I think it's perfectly natural to feel such mixed emotions when holding your grand-daughter. For one thing, as you've said before, her mama is still a child herself. So, I'm sure you're feeling torn between adoring a perfectly precious new little being, and feeling sad that your step-daughter went and had a child at such a young age. Don't beat yourself up, but don't forget that now you get to learn about this new little girl for who SHE is, not only how she came into this world.

(((((HUGS))))) Glad to hear that you got to hold your grandbaby.

eric313 said...

Congrtulations, Barb. It's nice when you meet new familly for the first time. My niece, Katelyn, is just now five months old. I don't really want any of my own, so she's more than good enough. She's just the most talkative little girl, too. I know she'll be a writer, I can just tell already.

I'm so happy for you, Barb. Familly is the greatest single blessing we have. Glad you were able to add to that blessing.

And I hope you find that time to write. Just grab the thread and run with it, just like you did with other poems. Thanks for the support.

Dirk_Star said...

Nice new look.

Cool Skynard tune, I saw them two weeks before the plane crash.

Yup, children are so cool.

Glad you got to hold her...

eric313 said...

and I posted a bit ago. Have a great night.

dawn said...

Have a great weekend

eric313 said...

Hope everything is well. Write just a few lines each day, see where they lead. You have it, it doesn't go away, it just gets rusty. You don't need to spend time worrying that you poetic voice isn't what it used to be. It is there, just the connection is not what it was. I am so many times better than I was last month, I swear it. I had great teachers who got me so far and I love them for getting me here.

Recently I've met new people to talk to and learn from. All of you and your friends have helped me. The new ideas and connections, it's what I needed next. You see me; I'm just inspired, that's all. And I write a lot. You would too, but you do have your life to take care of and work that demands attention. But you can get a couple lines. Never force them, just write something and leave it. You'll totally come back if it demands changing and you will have your poem. I want to see yo do what you want, and that's express your every emotion in poetry. Don't feel caged. You have wings. Use them a bit each day.

And your poem at the Corner is very good. I'm glad you have the thread, as well. Talk to you soon. I'm busy, but I'll be around to write, later on.
Thanks for your support of the arts found all over the place, Barb. Talk to you later.

Scary Monster said...

Having mixed emotions at a moment like that seems perfectly natural to me. Seeing that which makes you realize you are both ephemeral and immortal at the same time is bound to shake you up.

STOMP.

Wizened Wizard said...

I'm so happy that you have gotten to see her, hold her and "breathe in her baby sweetness." There is something so wonderful about that little baby smell.

You can only be a blessing to this daughter and her daughter. May the bond strengthen and your lives intertwine in ways that feed you all.

kate said...

sounds to me you handled it PERFECTLY! If you felt differently you wouldnt be human! Great post! I am thrilled you got to meet her!

eric313 said...

Hang in there, Barb. Hope you post soon! See you then, friend