Wow, I have been without a computer for a week and I felt like someone had removed my right arm. I have come to realize that being able to write out thoughts and feelings in these blogs gives me freedom and the ability to express things that would generally be left unsaid. It has also given me the opportunity to become closer to a few of the people around me. Being close to someone is something that all of us need and crave. It has been awhile since I continued on my story of my life. I will pick back up where I left off with my first broken heart.
I realized in Kindergarten that I REALLY like boys. I was not a "cooty" kind of girl. I also realized that the boys looked at me as "just a friend". I was very much a tomboy and very athletic. I think that being tough was one of my coping methods for my crazy home life. I don't remember too many details about the rest of kindergarten. I know that during the summer when school let out I got to meet a little girl who lived down the street from me. Her name was Jennifer. She was a few grades older than me and she had cool parents, a cool house, cool toys, and cool clothes. I wanted to emanate her in every possible manner. I started spending as much time at her house as I could. As Jennifer got to know me better, she began to take a "special" interest in me. She would lay her hand in sensitive spots or pretend to check a rash that she said I had. I felt guilty, but I was drawn to her. Part of it was being able to be away from my own house, I told myself I could "handle" it. I would just think about other things while she did her thing.
When school started in the fall, I was ready to go back to school. My mom was acting strange, but I didn't understand why. She wouldn't go outside, the curtains in the house were always closed, and she never got out of her house robe. First grade started fairly normal, but it also drew me away from being around Jennifer, which was very good for me. Our friendship just stopped as abruptly as it had started. Which was fine, I met a new girl new door, her family was Christian and they started taking me to church with them. During that year I did normal dumb sort of stuff that kids do, like cutting my friend's little sisters bangs and then lying about it. Yeah, I got in a ton of trouble.