The Phone Call

My mother called me, a little time to catch up and a little time to complain about everything under the sun. Don't get me wrong I absolutely, unconditionally love my mother, we can talk for about 10 minutes every so often and that's it. We are the opposite in every way that there can be to be opposite.

I love life and try to find as much joy and beauty as I can in it, she finds fault in most everything and if she looks hard enough she will find some kind of evil or sin. (Explanation of the last sentence.... my mother was VERY wild in her younger days and continued to be that was until I was approx. 6 years old. She then became involved in church and christian activities...which helped to to become more grounded and stop her alcoholism....BUT she didn't just stop at becoming a better person, she went beyond that to being a zealot. I don't say this lightly...I mean it in every way. The part that helped her, began to overtake her and change who she was inside as a person. She became very critical, cynical, and judgemental)

INSERTION....I think that ANY belief that makes someone better is fantastic. I in fact have my own deeply rooted beliefs and morals, but where my problem lies is in people that take a belief and make it into something that completely ensnares, changes and dictates every aspect of their life into something/someone other than who they really are. I do not judge my mother for her beliefs, just wish they hadn't changed the lady that used to laugh, dress up, and enjoy life.

When my father passed away, I was devastated. I adored him, I was a daddy's girl, but growing up had so little time with him (again my mother). I was broken hearted when he passed and needed some motherly comfort and called her in tears. She stated, "Well its to bad he is in hell now." Sad to say I was so angry at her I hung up on her, without a word and it took me a week to call her back to tell her that I was deeply I was hurt and offended by what she said... Her response to me, "Well I don't sugar coat the truth...if your not for God you are against God, so he is in hell." I decided then that I would not discuss any level of beliefs with her at all. If she brings it up when we talk, I politely change the subject or if she won't stop I politely let her know the conversation is ending.

I deeply wish I could have a close relationship with her. I have friends that shop, go to lunch/dinner, laugh and talk with their mothers and I really want that, but I know that she is not capable of that kind of relationship. There are many deep, dark hurts, thoughts and secrets within my mother that do not allow her to be open or part of a healthy relationship. I just wanted/needed to let out my frustration with it, as I know that she can never be more than who she has become. I hope that as 2007 rolls in she might be able to find some kind of peace and happiness

End of 2006

Today I have spent time thinking about 2007 and what I want for the year...

Of course I have had the normal thoughts of wanting to get back to exercising, eating right and in general taking better care of myself.

But I have been thinking more about what I really want in my life. I am in my thirties and there are still so many things I want out of my life...and I want to start to do some of them. When I was in my twenties, I always thought...there is time in the future. Now I am realizing that now is the time.

I have always been a person to be on the go. go. go. This year I want to slow down, take time to call friends and catch up with them. Write a letter or two to my mom (she would love that). Finish some of the artsy projects I have started. Learn how to crochet. Continue writing in my blog and meeting the new friend from there.

I also want to be ok, with spending some of my hard earned money on myself. I have always taken care of others, weither it was children, family, homes, and hubbys. I want to do things for me now.

My other big goal is one that has become a thorn in my side. I REALLY want to finish my education. I am so close to having my degree in business and life keeps getting in the way of me finishing. This year I am going to make life get out of the way so I can finish and be proud of finishing.

I am ready for 2007.

Vino

I am getting ready to eat dinner and I want a glass of wine...but alas I have none. I really enjoy a cold frosty glass of White Zin with a good dinner. I prefer Behringer, but will drink most any brand.

I have tried to drink reds, as I know they compliment meats, fish and poultry. But reds are an acquired taste that I can't quite seem to acquire. To me they are bitter and very heady tasting, whereas a blush wine is usually light and fruity.

When I was much younger I worked as a cocktail waitress at a high level steak house and I had to try all of the various wines, so I could describe them and sell bottles to the tables!!! Yuck, I was 21 and had no taste for wine at the time and I had a miserable headache from trying all of them.

First Day Back

I love getting extra days off work to relax, have fun with family and friends.

But why is it, that the first day back after having 4 days off is a day of pure unadulterated hell. Why? Why? Why??

I walk in and boss man, is shooting at both hips, my electronic leash starts ringing uncontrollably and to top it off, it is the day that all payroll stuff must be done for the afternoon call in.

I wanted to throw up my hands and run screaming from the building, but I did not.

I sat down and completed boss man's numerous requests, accuented with calls from my designers and clients, with sprinkles of the accounting girls asking necessary question for their afternoon deadline. I even managed to squeeze a few minutes to stuff food down my throat.

Once I managed to squelch my bosses anxiety, he went back to his normal happy self. He made me laugh out loud when he saw my desk piled with files and phone stuffed to my ear and me typing one handed as I was ruffling through the file for customer info, and he whispered "hey don't stress out, it'll all work out." I love it! His anxiets were soothed and I then had to catch up on my tasks and I was told not to stress....

But I love what I do and would do it again....

HAHHAHAHA

I love people that want to give a gift just cause...it is so appreciated, but as you are unwrapping the gift they are looking at you with expectancy...they want to see the delight glowing in your eyes...as you unwrap the last of it, you see that it is some sort of mebobber, (you really have no clue what it is) and the giver starts saying "don't you just love it!!! " As I smile and say a huge thanks, ( I never want to hurt feelings of someone trying to be nice). I think....great one more thing to collect dust...This Christmas I did receive some very nice and wonderfully thoughtful gifts...thanks to all my dear friends for thoughts, cards and gifts....y'all rock.

Christmas

Well today is Christmas Eve. Normally I love Christmas and all the festivities and decorating...etc, etc. This year not really in the mood, but here I am smiling and saying "Merry Christmas". By all means I am not a scrooge, but this year there is just nothing....nothing...nothing to make me want to celebrate...I have a bottle of wine and I am looking forward to my great dinner and the wine. (I sound strange to myself...NO I am not an alcoholic!!! Just really enjoy a good glass of wine...).

Geez reading back over my post I sound like a winey lil bitch....lol. I have some pretty presents and great food and some friends I am hanging out with. Today should be fun, I guess I am just kinda having one of those "poor me" moments....ok the moment has passed.

I hope that to those of you who take the time to read my silly blog of rants/thoughts and silliness have a great Christmas and I can't wait to read all about it in your blogs....

ohhhhhhhh

moan and groan. I feel like an elephant stepped on my head and is continuing to tap dance. I have all the aches and pains...oh no I am coming down with some crap. GRRRRR! I hate being sick, I am not a good patient and I hate missing work. But I stayed home today, when I woke up my head hurt so bad, I couldn't open my eyes all the way. I slept and worked from home, and slept some more, ate soup for lunch and slept some more and guess what after I eat dinner I am gonna sleep some more...so later y'all.

F'ing tired

OMG, have you ever been so tired your hair hurts? Thats how I feel right now...I couldn't go to sleep last night and I had to get up at the butt crack of dawn for work. I REALLY, REALLY did not want to go to work today, but I did. And work was hell today. I am supposed to have this simple little title which includes taking care of A), B), and C) responsibilities, BUT because I love to work hard and stuff, I keep getting asked to do more and more and more and...you get the point. I normally don't mind, cause it makes the day go fast, but when you are this tired, it sucks...really sucks.

Drunk Call

LOL, a friend of mine called me very drunk and left me a long voicemail...cracked me up...its funny how things sound when you are sober and they aren't....I listened to the voicemail like 3 times trying to get everything they were saying....I was laughing so hard. But its all good, I told them I would just get them back the next time I was drunk...I have never made a middle of the night drunk call, but I guess I might at least once, so I can say "I've done that" -- any ways...

Its been awhile since I have really drunk much, a few drinks and a night out with my girls sounds like what the dr. ordered....I wish I lived near my halo, so we could go out...brings back memories of Denny's at 2 in the morning....weirdos trying to "save our souls". God those were the days....

coffee and p.j.'s

I love Saturday/Sunday mornings when you get to sleep in, drink lots of nummy coffee and stay in pajamas until you want...its cold outside, but I am warm from the coffee and p.j.'s. These are days when you do absolutly nothing or things you have wanted to do but during the week never find time to do them....I love to ge to be lazy every once in a while...life seems to be go...go...go and on weekends I get to stop...my version of smelling the roses....

Music Genre

I am the first to say " I love most all types of music". And I say that with all trueness, everything from blues/soul, to country, to pop, alternative, rock, rap ( in small portions) and all the in between stuff.

I will listen to most things that people suggest and see if I like it or not. There are songs/artist I dislike in all genres of music. But it absolutely annoys the crap out of me when a person refuses to even listen to a song because it is a "type" of music they don't like...I know a few people who only like "punk" or "rock" and refuse to listen to anything out of that box. To me that is being narrow minded. Listen to it once and if you don't like it, never listen again. But you just might like it. I have listened to a song that I thought I might not like and then liked it after I listened to it.

I love when people ask me my favorite song, I laugh and say there are way to many to name. I have tons of favorite songs. To me music creates a mood, so it can be loud and crass, if I am pissed or working/cleaning. Soft and smooth if I am sitting around etc. Then there is music with a beat to dance to....or just great music to drive.

GRRRRR

Debt collectors...yes they have a job to do, but do they have to be SO rude and obnoxious. I am dealing with a lady, on the 2nd on my house. The company we have the loan from is charging an extra amount for insurance. I have been back and forth with them about this. Our first has an impound account that automatically pulls and pays the insurance. I have had the same insurance company the entire time I have owned the house.

Out of the clear blue they said they had no proof of insurance, so I scrambled to get a copy of the insurance and get it to them and do what I am supposed to do. Then I find out it can take up to 2 months for them to verify and 2 more for them to reimburse for the extra charges....CRAZY, I don't have extra money growing off of trees! They want me to drop what I am doing to get them the necessary info, but they can take 4 months to get back to me...

Now after talking to them today, she says they seem to have lost it and I have to go through the whole proceedure again and they are trying to collect almost $1000.00 extra for this insurance. I am furious! I don't have the extra money and can't believe they lost the paperwork. I told her that was their problem and that I would not pay the amount. its not my fault they lost my paperwork, after I bent over backwards to have the necessary paperwork to them 2 days after I found out they needed it.

Just Cause

I am excited cause in January they are starting another season of Americal Idol. I love watching American Idol. The first few days are funny because they show all the people that suck and the people that are just stupid. Then as they start narrowing it down, I love to predict who is going next. Last season me and my girl Echo had so much fun making guess. Last season was one of the best ones so far and I hope this next season is even better. Remember the twins off the last season? They drove me nuts and then they were arrested for outstanding warrants! That was SO funny.

So my girl Echo taught herself to crochet and I think that I am going to have to go get myself one of those "How To" book for dummies. I have always wanted to learn and I guess its about time. I taught myself to cross-stitch, so the other can't be that hard. I love learning new things. We'll see how that goes...lol

BRRRRR!!!

OMG...It is so cold. I hate being cold. It seems that once I am cold it takes for ever to get warm again...then my toes get cold and they are like little ice cubes. I have the heater on and I am wearing a big sweater, wrapped in a blanket, while typing. A cup of hot chocolate or tea sounds really good right now, but I don't want to leave my nice warm spot to go make me one.

I want to go to a pretty tropical beach (like Tahiti) and put on a cute lil suit and soak up some warm sunshine. Yes, that would make me really happy.

I have a few friends that really crack me up. It is fun cause I can be a total dork and they are dorks right back and we have fun laughing at ourselves.

Did I mention...I am cold! Ohhhh, a fireplace would be nice with a fuzzy rug and a blanket, I could curl up and read a book...Why am I torturing myself?

Bored and bloggin to blog

I want to blog, but have nothing in particular to blog about. I am sitting here drink a cold beer (its yummy by the way) and am bored out of my brain. I wish one of my friends were online, but it seems that I am the only loser with nothing to do on a Sunday night...

I cleaned house all day today and there is a ton more to do, but I don't feel like doing anymore!

I had left overs for dinner and they were good, saved me from having to cook something and making more dishes for me to wash. I hate washing dishes.

What I really feel like doing is getting dressed up and going out... I haven't been dancing in forever and I feel like shakin' what God gave me. But thats not gonna happen for awhile...

Wow, I am rambling about absolutely nothing in particular. Maybe I am just tired, my brain really can't think of much of importance.