"Your a great person".
I am so tired of hearing that. Yes, I know that on the outside the person I am interacts with people I smile and say sweet things. I am soft hearted and love people. I can be charming and funny. I am a genuine person, but there is also the other person in me.
But there is a different side to me. This is where the great person in me stops being great. I hide this dark side well. There is no one that knows these little details about me. I have tried to talk to a few people about how I feel, but I always get "oh, stop! you are a fantastic person!"
I am honestly too chicken to really talk about some of the areas I struggle with. If I could be very honest there are a few people who really would not want much to do with me and that is part of why I keep it hidden. But I also want to sleep at night with out the guilt. I want to not break into tears when I stop for a minute and think about the things I have done and the lies that have been told to keep my secrets. How empowering it would be to be honest with just one person, even if they only turned around to tell me how much they hated me.
Why won't people listen when I try to talk to them. Why do they stick their fingers in their ears and say "lalalalalala." It frustrates me.
I have met so many great people here in bloggerville, these people are strong, they openly share struggles of alcoholism, drug abuse, suiciadal thoughts.
I know that I could go see a physcologist for my issues, but I already know what they are going to tell me. I have issues with abandonment and father issues and abuse issues.
It honestly comes down to me not having the ability to have self control.