Sunday, May 13, 2007

Out of the Mouths of Moms

I am sitting here shaking my head. I cannot believe the conversation I just had with my mom. It was surreal.

I have to be honest and say, I am not close to my mom. I wish I was, but she does not allow any one in and if you do get close watch out...the Bible will be permanently shoved down your throat.

But I love my mother despite her short comings and today I called to wish her a Happy Mothers Day. I believe the following conversation will show that in desperate times, even a Bible thumping mom, will bend the rules a bit.

Our conversation went something like this....

Brrrrring, brrrring...

Her: Hello, hello...hello??????

Me: Mom its me , mooommm, its me. MOM!

Her: Oh HIIII sweetie. How are you? whatareyoudoing? areyougoing tochurch?areyoueating?

Me: Uhhh, yes!?!

Me: I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mothers Day.

Her: Thanks...

Then I won't bore you with the middle part, it's boring....but then as we were getting ready to hang up, my mother pulled a real whopper on me. She never fails to amaze me.

Me: Well, mom I better be going.

Her: ok, so....when are you going to get pregnant?

Me: WHAT?????? You know there are some crucial elements necessary for that to happen, right mom???

Her: Oh, well I figure that you could just find some good looking guy to sleep with you and you could have a baby. Because I want a grandbaby.

Me: OMG, I can't believe you just said that!!!!!!!

Her: Well, honey you do have to have sex to have a baby, and I want a grandbaby.

Me: ummmm, yes mom I know you have to have sex to have babies, but I am so not having this conversation with you. Mkay- bye mom.

So my mom that is a God fearing, Bible thumping mother, who is against sex outside of marriage of any kind, wants me to find some guy and just ask him to have a kid with me... Yeah, that wasn't weird or awkward at allllll. Side note...I have two step children who are her grandkids, but I have not had my own child, and that seems to be what all of our conversations as of late have been about.

29 comments:

Jay said...

WOW!

My mother gave up on grandchildren a long time ago. I don't think she believed either my sister or me when we told her niether of us wanted kids. But she does now.

You know, you don't REALLY have to have sex to get pregnant. Modern science is pretty amazing. LOL

doragon said...

sorry about the coversation you had with your mom ;-(

I just wanted to say thanks for comming over to my bloggie and wishing me a happy mothersday.

Bardouble29 said...

Jay- Yes, I do realize modern science has made these things easier, but it was just incredibly weird to have that conversation with my mother.

Doragon - Your welcome, and that is the epitome of my mom...she just says whatever the heck is on her mind.

captain corky said...

I'm 36. My mother was beginning to think that she wasn't going to be a grandmother and so was I for a couple of minutes there.

just me said...

My ex is like that, too. My oldest son raised three kids, who consider him their dad, and my ex has never acknowledged them.

My late son has two children that I am denied access to. I can send them gifts, but I send them through my son, who has the address.

Mom's definately want grandkids. I finally learned to cope with my mom's potshots at me, I just agreed with everything she said, and ignored everything she said. She would get mad, but I would just agree with her. I guess I had to step back.

just me said...

And a belated Mother's Day wish for you...

Craig D said...

Ask your Mom is "Phone Sex" counts? You could name the baby "Verizon!"

Just a thought.

RockDog said...

Every now and then the parents throw that curveball at ya...I never see it coming until it smacks me right ebtween the eyes.

I agree with you, not toooooo awkward of a conversation! LOL!

Bardouble29 said...

Corky - I bet your mom is thrilled that in a few months she gets to me a g'ma.

Just me - Usually I too ignore most of what my mom says...this just took me by surprise.

Craig- Now there is an idea!!!

Rockdog- parents can sometimes have that way about them...everthing is going along just fine, and then they throw something at you.

The Lone Beader said...

Yikes. I thought the conversations with my parents were bad.... Hopefully, you will be able to ignore it???

Art said...

Incredible! Shaking my head at that one - LOL. Well, good luck...

(I mean good luck with your mom, not the other;)

Beth said...

hey, you know that Mother Knows best, right? ;) go for it...I hear Brad Pitt is pretty fertile.

Kati said...

ROFL OMG!!!!! I'm sorry, but that's horridly funny!!! It is amazing what people will decide is tolerable, in their families, while abhoring the same things in other people's families.

My dad, for the last year now, has been commenting every month or so about his desire that my middle sister (the smart one who's 2 years away from her PhD in philosophy) would find a guy and get married and have kids. Completely disregarding the fact that she's THISCLOSE to getting a PhD. The only one in EITHER side of the family to ever get a PhD. And all he can think aobut is how he wants her married & having kids & being a housewife instead of a professor. *rolling eyes*

I hope you find a life partner that makes you happy, but because YOU want one (IF you want one) not because that's what your mom wants so that you have grandchildren for her. ;)

Enemy of the Republic said...

As Mom conversations go, that is an odd one. My mom just wanted me to marry a rich man, then she just settled for marriage to anything. She didn't understand that I didn't want to get married even though I eventually did.

dawn said...

Hysterical sso when is the happy event HEE Hee. I recieved your e-mail of meme and I will try to get to it tomorrow, Thanks

susan said...

Maybe you should nip it in the bud and tell her that you found out you were sterile a few years ago. If you ever do decide to have children it can be a miracle!

Dorky Dad said...

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry at that. Maybe I'll do both at the same time. Boo hoo hahahahaha!

kate said...

lol... Look at it this way, you now have Ammunition for the next time she does/says something you dont agree with! Any you wrote it down even, so you cant forget! LMAO!!

SpongyBones said...

Dang, wanna trade moms for a day!

I can't even think of talking about sex with my mom. That would just warp my adulthood!

Shrink wrapped scream said...

Just work on the premise that you'll never get it right, regardless of what you do, and you'll be fine. It's what mums are there for, to show you up, guilt-trip at every opportunity, and frustrate the life out of you.

Think I manage to do all three quite effortlessly (she said smugly).

singleton said...

LOL! Really, it's just Mom's way of saying she knows you might get a boyfriend again , and it's OK, she'll just pretend your trying to have a baby!

Anne said...

That's odd. I thought I left a comment here already. Guess I meant to and then forgot.

Eeeek!! Mothers can be so embarrassing. You poor thing.

Elween said...

hello:)
mothers love kids. since you are already a grown up person, they will have to look substitutes--which are grandchildren! :)

the maternal instinct stays forever in a mother's heart :)

Queenie said...

My son said if I ask him one more time, he will buy me another dog.
I'm only pulling his leg, I'm to young to be a grandmother,LOL

david santos said...

Please, it puts fhoto of Madeleine in your Bloggue

Missing Madeleine!
Madeleine, MeCann was abduted from Praia da Luz, Portugal on 03/03/07.

If you have any information, please contact Crimestoppers on
0800 555 111

Please Help

dawn said...

Just wanted to let you know I answered your meme questions so go take a look

Scary Monster said...

Whaaaaaaa! sob. STOMP, STOMP, STOMP.
Me left a funny comment earlier, but it ain't here!?!

Me be in a somewhat similar situation except me mom and in-laws don't tell me to go out and find a man.

Me be thinking that when things get too annoying me ought to print up a copy of me avatar and ask em iffin they really want a kid that looks like this.

Chucky said...

I'll take one for the team =)

skinnylittleblonde said...

ROTFLMAO!
Too funny!
Reminds me of when my mom told me that she 'just wanted me to settle down & be happy' Then she went on to say that it would be OK if I even settled down with another woman, as long as I was happy. LOL. I always kept my 'personal' relationships personal & didn't share dating with her, so bless her heart, she thought..well, I guess she thought desperate times call for desperate measures!LOL.

On another note, my own mother is constantly itting me up on the child-thing. I just can't go there with her. if she only knew, there'd be 10,000 more questions & comments from her on it, so I just pull the 'Mkay Momma, love you' bit.