Sunday, January 07, 2007

Awww Sunday Morning

I love starting Sundays off with sleeping in a little, great coffee and a stroll through my blog neighborhood (thanks Dirk). I am very new to the community and I have found that I really, really enjoy the people I have added to my blog roll. Each person is very different, unique, quirky and fantastic. When reading I laugh, ponder and think. I have come to care and think of you as my own friends and family.

As I was going down my street (blog roll) this morning, I read one of the blogs that always inspires me. Mr. and Mrs. Sign have both gone through a truly life changing exprerience and I hope Signgurl doesn't mind if this morning my blog is from reading hers.... it makes me think of my mother and how much I worry about her. I have thought of this surgery for my mother, but don't even know where to start to get her information.

My mother is very heavy (in honesty terms she is morbidly obese). Over the years she has twisted ankles, hurt her legs, hips, thighs etc. In the past she has been restricted to wheelchairs and limited mobility.

When I became an adult I have begged and pleaded for her to get help and see a Dr. She always told me she is fine the way she is and that if God wanted her to loose weight he would help. (See "The Phone Call" blog for explaination to the reference of God). She now has diabetes. She still has done nothing to control her weight.

When I was young my mother used to take some of her weight/food anger out on me. I was a very small child. I love food and love to eat. My mother would give me enourmous helpings at dinner and force me to eat all of it. Example - Dinner would be a whole pork chop, a full baked potatoe and a large helping of vegetables. That is perfect for an adult, but too much for a child. I usually managed to eat the pork chop and most of the veggies and about half the potatoe. I would be stuffed, and my mother would not allow me to get up from the table until it was gone...or if I swore I was full, she would put it in the refer and give it to me for breakfast. There were times I would give bites to the dog, wrap potatoe in napkin, or spread the food around the plate in hopes of not having to eat it all. I always got caught and man I would be in so much trouble.

Fast forward a few years...I was still very small and very active in sports etc. I remember going to bed one night and a little while later my mom woke me up and told me she wanted me to watch something on TV. At first I told her I didn't want to, I was tired. She made me get up, then I thought "cool I am a big girl" I get to watch TV. Until I figured out what she was making me watch. It was some type of investigative report/story on young girls with eating disorders. Back then eating disorders were fairly new to the medical community and that night was the first I had ever heard of it.

I watched this show in horror that there were girls who did this to themselves. I was naive and had a lot of questions that my parents couldn't answer. My mother was convinced that I had an eating disorder. I looked at her in absolute amazement. The very thought of making myself hurl was nasty. Plain and simple I take after my father, he also was a very small person...his entire family is. My mother on the other hand comes from a family that is all of the same heavier body type. To this day my mother blames me for being thinner than her. I am not super thin, I am just comfortable in my body.

All of this to say...a few years ago I wrote my mom a letter asking her to please, see a Dr. or do to something. She has no insurance, very little money and refuses to get state help (medical etc) . Is there anyone in our neighborhood that has a thought or an idea of what I could do or help that I can get for my mother. I really want to help her but feel my hands are tied. I would love any thoughts or ideas. She lives in Oregon, and I am in Ca. so there is also a distance issue of me being able to help.

12 comments:

Em said...

Your concern for your mom is touching. I wish I had some bit of advice to offer, but it isn't an issue I've had to confront. But I wish the best for you...and your mom.

And it is an honor to be part of your neighborhood. It's great to have such good neighbors as yourself!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I gave my mom a gift certificate to Weight Watchers for her birthday once because I am concerned about her weight. She really apprecieated it and lost about 30 lbs.(although she is still obeese).

However, if your mom won't take something like that gracefully there is nothing you can do. You can't change a person that doesn't want to change.

bardouble29 said...

em- Thank you and I too enjoy being part of the neighborhood.

whimsical - thank you, I might try sending her a gift cert, of that nature. I know you can't change someone, but I still worry so much.

Jay said...

I really wish I could give you some brilliant advice. But, I really don't know. It's generally been my experience that most people will only change or do things that they really REALLY want to do.

bardouble29 said...

Jay - I know that to be true, but I still worry about her though. As much as we differ in every way, she is my mother and I stress over her.

Dorky Dad said...

Man, you women can't win. If you're large, you need to lose weight. If you're thin, people think you have an eating disorder. Ugh.

bardouble29 said...

dorky dad- lol, that is why I am happy the way I am. Best to just be healthy.

Dirk_Star said...

Hello, late nighter!

You've been a very busy blogger this evening...

Echo said...

your mom is lucky to have a daughter who is as concerned as you. wish you luck!

Dirk_Star said...

You can only watch with loving compassion as she goes through the experiences in her life, that are offering her the opportunities she needs for her own growth, without getting emotionally involved in these situations yourself.

You love her and you accept her, but only she can change or not change...

If she does not want to change there is "nothing" you can do...

Cherish whatever time you have to share with her.

Love her as your mother.

Be at peace and grow on...

Dirk_Star said...

Oops, commented on the wrong post.

Don't worry,you are well on your way to becoming a good five!

Steven Novak said...

Short of offering advice and help whenever you can, there's not much you can do. I live half way across the country from my family and I often deal with the same sort of feelings.

Steve~