Fire! Fire!

It kills me to turn on the news right now...

California, Florida and Minnesota are going up in flames. There are probably more areas, but I don't know about them.

California did not get near enough rain this year. It is going to be nuts this year.

BE CAREFUL. If you are a smoker, DO NOT THROW YOUR FREAKIN BUTTS OUT THE WINDOW!!!! There are more fires started this way.

Please keep the men and women who fight these major forest fires in your thoughts and prayers. I know several people who are on a hotshot team and they put their lives on the line everyday to keep these wildland forest fires from consuming entire towns.

I want to know WHY?

EDITED to include more details as people were asking why this was about the rich and not just the kid.

Why do some (not all) people with money think they are better than others? What gives them the right to be so rude? To look down on us common folk and sneer? Do parents of rich kids really think that throwing money at them will give them love or make a bad situation better?

Lately working at my new job, I have run into some very....interesting people, they have money and are not afraid to make demands. Just the other day, I had to gently remind a lady that these were apartments and not a custom home.

But I actually want to share this:

I heard a story today about a rich family that lives here locally. It disturbed me...greatly.

The story starts off that a local police officer was looking for a wanted young man. After asking the family and some of the young mans friends, he was found living with some friends and their parents.

When this officer went to go pick up the kid the other mother was in hysterics. She couldn't understand why the poor, unfortunate, misunderstood kid was being hauled off to jail. The officer asked her if the young man had told her the story about why he was being taken to jail.

The mother answered that the young man had told her that his parents didn't love him and had abused him. She thought she was taking this young man into her home to protect and shield him.

The officer then told her that the young man came from a very influential family, and that he was wanted for stabbing his mother with a BBQ fork (you know the ones with the long prongs to turn over meat). The mother was laying in a hospital suffering while this young man was saying he was being abused.

Why you ask, did he stab the mother??? He stayed out very late partying the night before and when he woke up late in the afternoon, he demanded that his mother make him breakfast. When she refused, and started to walk outside, he followed and stabbed her.

The sad thing is, he tried to deny the whole story.........

BUT coming from an influential family, the entire thing was caught on the family's surveillance tapes...Along with him saying he was "gonna kill you, for not making breakfast."

Even more of a tragedy is this young man has a history of violence. Instead of the parents giving him love, attention and some discipline, they through money at the problem. He wants for nothing material wise. Maybe when he was younger he got in small amounts of trouble so he could get his parents attention, and it escalated as he got older. Who knows what the psychology is, I just find the situation sad. I truly feel for the family as a whole. There was some element missing from their structure....

I am sure their is more to the story...there are the mental and emotional sides. Was it a drug induced attack? Did the young man feel loved by his family? There are so many elements that go into what was going on in the young mans mind. The whole thing makes me sad.

I am far from being rich, or even being considered well off...I don't think money is evil, but I think that the greed and motive behind the money can make you do terrible things and become a terrible person.

I also realize this is not just a "rich" problem, but that there are people everywhere who are experiencing these kinds of problems, but I was more frustrated that the rich throw money at a problem rather than taking a minute to maybe seek the root cause of a problem. I also have nothing against money, in fact I really like money.

OH Baby!

Man, I am loving the new job, but I get home so late...I have no energy to blog. I miss blogging, so here is a short and sweet one.

I wanted to share with my blog family the new baby!

Her name is Iliana....I am told that she is a good little eater and sleeper....I do hope to be able to see and hold her soon. I am beginning to like this grandma thing....

Well, I am off to bed, just wanted to share the new little angel with you.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

This is my hundredth post and in honor of that I have given a special interview from Dorky Dad. (Ok, not really, but it sounded good)

Question 1: Tomorrow is your last day on Earth. What do you do?

Whaaaa! I am gonna die tomorrow! Whaaaaa.... Ok, I am over it. What would I do? Well since I am a soft hearted, sentimental person, I would make sure that all the people I love know I love them. And then I would do something extreme I have never done...jump out of a plane, or ...or...something like that. (no not really, because everyone who really knows me, knows I am a chicken, but if it was my last day...who knows, maybe I would try it.) I would also eat all the foods that I love....lobster, shrimp, desserts. Yummmm, I am hungry now.

Question 2: Why did you start blogging?

*Snicker* I honestly started blogging because I was bored, but the story goes like this. I worked at this Company and Chucky was always talking about his blog. So Echo and I asked a bunch of questions and I read his blog and decided to start one of my own. Nothing too exciting, but I am addicted to blogging now.

When I first started blogging, one day I thought I would venture out and check out a few other blogs. I read one and it was ok, kinda boring, moved on to the next one and it was about S & M and spanking and I ran back to my safe little corner didn't venture out to any other blogs for a long time.

Question 3: You say you are a "grandma." What is your idea of the perfect retirement?

I am still getting used to the idea of being a gramma...I have told a few people, that I am a gramma and I keep getting funny looks and the ask, How old are you??? I am having way too much fun with that. Have to brag a minute, the baby is beautiful. I will post a picture tomorrow.

Perfect retirement is being able to be financially set, so that I can travel (one of my goals is to meet some of the wonderful people I blog with), relax, garden, spoil grandkids, and just live. I don't want much, just to be able to do the things I want to do.

Question 4: Some goofball wizard decides to turn you into a vegetable, but is kind enough to give you your choice. What do you choose and why?

Dorky, what were you drinking when you came up with this question??? Lets see, do I want to be a vegetable that I like? Or one I don't like? Do I want to be eaten or left somewhere to rot? OMG there are so many decisions...can't think....

Broccoli - It can be eaten many ways and people love broccoli. I want to be a loved vegetable. I want people to rush to the store and buy me, because they can't wait to steam me and serve me beside their fillet Mignon.

Question 5: You are in a room, alone, with Donald Trump. What do you do?

First of all let me say, there is no way possible I would ever be alone in a room with this man. Why him, couldn't I have been alone with some hot, hunk of a man. Or if not a hot one, at least one I like????

Oh, I could have so much fun with this question, but alas I will behave myself.

Honestly, other than tearing off that terrible hair piece off, I probably would ignore him. But I think that would drive him crazy, as he is used to being the center of attention. He would talk to me and I would pretend he does not exist. I think the man is annoying and despicable. Oh, and I would tell him "Your Fired!"

OK, I am ending this interview now, mostly because I have no more questions to answer. And now I DARE YOU to let me interview YOU.

C'mon. What are you afraid of?

Here's what to do:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

See its simple...really. No, really.

Gay-Racism-Christians

Over the last few days a few of my blog friends have written blogs that are making me think...Enemy of the Republic, Anne, Spongy.

I keep starting and restarting this blog. I know what I want to say, but I can not put the words down. Maybe it will be easier to start with my own background.

My mom, is a hardcore, staunch, black and white, wrong and right, her way only, scripture quoting, Bible toting christian. I grew up in this environment. Even though I went to a christian school, my mom was judgemental of all my friends. Her skirt was too short, or how dare her mother allows her to wear makeup. I was pretty much a loner, because my mom chased all my friends away with her judgemental self.

I remember my mother shouting down hell, fire and brimstone if she saw a pregnant young girl. If there was a gay young person, she would preach at them. I remember wanting the earth to open and swallow me out of embarrassment. And God forbid I tell her to stop, she would turn on me and tell me that if I was not for God then I was against God. That if I was sitting on the fence, I would be spewed out of his mouth.

Yep, those were the days....Today, I don't have my mind made up on all issues, but I do know that I do not judge people based on their color, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. I have friends of many different races, of different sexual orientations and different beliefs. I love each one of them the same and though, I may not always agree with them, I do not judge them.

I myself was in an interracial marriage. It was really hard. There was a clash of cultures, friends and family. People told my darker skinned husband that we would never make it, I was just a stupid white girl. That I wouldn't "get" him. That someone of his own race would take better care of him than I could. Though, our marriage did break up (we were together over 10 years) it was not due to it being a racial issue.

I have friends that are black and nothing makes me angrier than when other black or white people make racist comments about me or my friends. The racism goes both ways. My girlfriend gets just as much crap as I do.

Why does it matter color of skin, sexual orientation, or beliefs??? There are bad and good in all people and places. The God I know told us to love all people, not just the ones who are easy to love and accept...all people.

There is so much more to this, but I am still having a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings, this is a blog that I will expound on more at a later time.

So much Drama!

People astound me....

I am getting into my new job, and am being blown away by people.

The majority of the people that are renting are people recently going through a divorce or people getting ready to divorce and want a place for when they break the news.

We have another couple that is there in top secret. The apartment is in her name only. He can't because he is someone famous and he can't let his ex know he is remarried or living there.

People walk into rent an apartment and I find out more about them in 15 minutes time. I know the ones who are getting divorced, using them as a love nest and the ones who are hiding from ex's.

Why would you open up that much??? I don't think I have ever laid bare my soul to a girl renting me an apartment.

It doesn't Hurt.

I try to tell myself it doesn't hurt. As of today I. am. a. gramma.

I was not there for the birth, neither was her father. We were not welcome. This hurts him far more than it hurts me. When he called me 4 times tonight to let me know the status, the hurt was raw in his voice.

I wonder who this little girl has become. The little girl I raised was a delight, she was spirited, a jabber jaw, precious, innocent, an artist, and determined. She was determined to not become what her own mother was (remember I was the step-mom). Her own mother was a teenage mom and then didn't want to have kids. She was determined to become something, she ranged between wanting to be a pediatrician and an artist. (She has a genuine God given artists ability, she draws very, very well). I encouraged her to follow her heart.

When I decided that a divorce from her daddy was appropriate, it broke me that I had to leave these kids, but since I was only a step mom, I had no leverage what so ever over those kids.

I found out in October that my baby was having a baby. Over the past 4 months, it has been a real burden and heartache. She decided to run away from home, as her father demanded that the young man show some respect and was not allowed at the house without an adult being present. I think right now I am hurting more for her dad, than for me...that is his flesh and blood and he was told not to come to the hospital as he was not welcome. He is finding out the details from gramma.

I just want to know where my little jabber jaw went and when she was replaced with this arrogant, little girl, that thinks she is an adult.

First Day

Started my new job today. It was full of new faces and forms to fill out.

Then we were informed we were going to go through the sexual harassment course. I have been through so many I could do it asleep, so I thought no problem. The HR person took us to a learning center and seated us. She set us up on our own computers and explained that we did the work books and then took a test at the end that we had to pass at 70% or better.

I hate tests....hate 'em!

This was the most thorough sexual harassment training course I have ever taken. It explained every single nuance of harassment and gave examples and defined each and every term. It was a three hour long process, but I scored a 96% wooohooo for me.

Then I found out for my position I have many other tests that I must pass...uck! So I spent all day today sitting on my butt at a computer learning about the Fair Housing Act, and Leasing for Life and tomorrow is more tests.

The fair housing act was actually interesting, it was really based on history and gave dates and events as to when the federal government started changing laws against discrimination.

I found out that Federal law is the big over all laws, then it break down further in state and get detailed as it breaks down to local law.

I am not allowed to ask any question what so ever that might make a person feel like I am discriminating in any way. I even have to take notes down as to when people call asking about an availability so I can not be sued.

Example:

Mrs. Henry calls at 10 am looking for a 2 bedroom unit, there are none available.
Mr. Jones give a 30 day notice at 3 pm.
Mr and Mrs. Smith come in at 3:30 looking for a two bedroom unit.

I have to document the time and dates so that Mrs. Henry can not come back in and say I discriminated against her by not giving her the apartment.

There are SOOO many rules and regulations. Its nuts!

But overall the more I find out about the company, I am super excited. It seems like a great place to work.

Shame on ME!

This weekend I went to Salinas to visit my dear friend. She is quite a bit older than me and I call her mom. She actually looks like she could be my mom. She is reliving her youth and has been doing so for several years. She parties harder than I do. Weekends spent with her exhaust me.

I drove over Friday afternoon and we went to dinner, then she wanted to head over to the American Legion. It was pretty packed with people, though the average age was about 80. I did get asked to dance quite a bit. Had a few drinks and watched "mom" do shots of Patron. She is dangerous when taking shots (ever heard the song "tequila makes her clothes fall off?")

Our group closed down the legion and she still wanted to party, so we headed over to a local hole in the wall bar and there was karoke. She LOVES karoke, alot!!!! So she put in a few songs. I do not do karoke under any circumstances at all!

While in there, I was a bit nervous as I dislike crowded bars. I was overtly looking around so, I could figure out where people were, and if I felt there needed to be any worry of fights etc. I ordered a glass of wine and was trying to drink it. I saw two BIG girls pointing at me, and I really got nervous.

A few minutes later I realize there is someone openly staring at me. I glance to my left and there is a man getting another beer. He points to the bottle and nods, not saying a word. Then he turns and openly stares at me. I really dislike that! I purposely dog him and turn my body to ignore him. Finally he grabs his beer and walks away. The crowd in the bar started to thin out a bit and I relaxed.

A few guys came up to ask me to dance, I was starting to have a little fun, but I kept noticing the same guy was staring at me. I told "mom" that I was wanting to go home, she didn't want to. I sighed and started talking to some girl standing next to me. A few minutes later someone bumps into me, I turned to say Excuse ME! and its the guy that had been staring at me. I was about to unleash holy hell on him, when he starting signing to me that he was deaf. Boy, did I feel like crap. Thank God I know some sign language, he said sorry for staring he was trying to get my attention. We ended up talking (signing), he was a super sweet guy.

But shame on me for judging him. I am going to be very honest. When I first saw him staring I immediately labeled him in my mind. And let me tell you the labels I put on him were rude and mean. I judged this poor man based on how he looked and his actions, rather than who he was.

So that is why I say shame on me!

2nd Try

Yesterday, I tried to write this blog and blogger decided to eat my post, so I am trying this again.

My new job is with the largest property management company here in my local area. My new position is a leasing agent at a brand new property that is being built in Clovis, Ca.

The company offers many perks for their employees, starting with the usual benefits, and 401k, vacation, sick days and many ways to earn bonus'.

Yesterday, was an interesting day for me. I got to see the reality of the company and meet all the owners and bigwigs. There was an annual training day that they asked me to attend even though I don't officially start until Monday. I got to see the benefit of working for a very large company and I also got to see some of the daily challenges I will face.

I am a people watcher and I was seated in the back of the room and got to watch all of the interaction of the employees and the training staff. It was so interesting to watch.

There were the people that have been with the company for years and were know-it-alls, and did not want to change to the new policies.

There were others that were fairly new like me and were lost (like me).

There were others that just kept repeating "I just don't get it!"

and many other personalities. I was impressed with the training staff, as they tried very hard to answer all questions but also keep the training machine moving forward.

For me it was just information overload. Thank God I was sitting next to the girl I will be working with and she explained things to me as we went along.

California has some crazy laws about what is considered "Fair Housing Act". There are SO many rules and regulations. I have so much to learn, but I love a challenge and pretty soon (hopefully) I will be leasing apartments like a pro.

GRRRR

I freaking hate blogger.....I just got through typing a LONG blog about my new job and the interesting day I had and I hit PUBLISH and the entire blog disappeared....

BREAKING NEWS FLASH

I got the joobbbb, I got the jooooobbbbb. Whoooohoooooooo.

Geez talk about taking off a burden. Its contingent upon passing a drug test....I will have no problem with that....

I have been so stressed out over not having a job. I feel so much better now. Thanks to all of you that have had me in their thoughts.

Random Thoughts

I have so much to say, but with all the thoughts buzzing around in my head, nothing is simply flowing from my thoughts to my fingertips....

First I wanted to mention the tragedy that occurred today at Virginia Tech. So sad that so many lives were lost. Seems if the school had reacted faster there may have been less life lost. I am NOT attacking the school, but just concerned that they thought an email two hours after the first shooting was sufficient. But having so little information available yet, does little to help us understand what happened. My heart goes out to all of the students and their families.

I have not been blogging as much as I normally do since returning from my vacation. My heart has not been in it. First I returned to the news of Baron passing, and the next day I went into work and was laid off. I don't understand why they even brought me back if things were that bad for the company, but that is another blog of its own.

I have never drawn unemployment, and never thought I would need to, don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have that to fall back on, but I really want to work. I enjoy working and being productive. I have been so depressed, I know that I did not cause this, but I have been depressed none the less.

Don't even get me started on trying to find a job again. I get sick of having to "sell" myself. And if I see one more "must be bilingual" I am gonna....well I am not gonna do anything, but why do I have to be bilingual just to get a job in my country where I was born and raised...that boils my blood. Now, I am not being judgemental or racial...I do speak quite a bit of Spanish, but not enough for a job or to be considered bilingual.

But on the brighter side I did have an interview today and it seemed to go very well, they said I would know their decision by the end of the week....Please send good job vibes my way....

My Vacation in Pictures!

My first stop was to play in Disney World for a few days.....


I played with Dinosaurs and ran all over Disney world....



After a week of wearing myself out...I boarded the Carnival Mircle for a week of fun and...



Some adult beverages....



We stopped in Crand Cayman, Cozumel, Belize, Costa Maya...Did you know that in Belize that English is the first language. In Cozumel, Belize and Costa Maya I took tours to look at all the ancient Mayan Ruins. Some of them were off limits to people walking on them and others were open to having people walk on them.


In Cozumel there were guys that were dressing up in "authentic" clothing and you could take pictures with them...



There were some of the most gorgeous beaches I have ever laid eyes on....




Wow, can you believe some of the incredible beauty that is out there?





Simply gorgeous....I love taking pictures of nature, can you tell?




Oh and did I mention that I made many new friends while on this trip....




Unfortunately they wouldn't give me a phone # or address to stay in touch.....

Raining Today

The weather matches my mood today....

When it rains, it pours....never has this been more true in my life than the last few days.

In Memory

Last night I returned from a wonderful vacation. I was met with the news that a friend of mine had passed away.

Baron -

I want to thank you for your friendship and your wise words when I was down. You told me once in an email that you learned so much from me, but it was I who learned from you. You were such a wonderful friend. You were so passionate about your life and your children. You wrote to me about your family and how much they meant to you. You told me of your brothers and sisters. You were the first to want to look inside yourself to change and grow, you then challenged me to do the same. You were always quick with a joke or a funny saying. We shared much about our love of the same music. You stood for what you believed in and the ones you loved. I am proud to have been your friend and you are so very missed.

To everyone you had a kind word and you shared so much of yourself with all of us. I never had the opportunity to meet you in person, but after all our talks and emails, you had become such a dear friend to me. There are many, many lives that you touched.

While on vacation I learned that the Mayan cutlure does not believe in goodbye, but rather that they will meet up again in the future, whenever that may be. Their word for meeting again in the future is Sama. And to my dear friend Baron I say Sama to you.

Ciao My Dear Friends

Tomorrow I must get up at 3:30 am (isn't it against the law to have to get up that early??) and I am flying off to my vacation. EKKKK! I am SO excited! I will miss my blogging family dearly, but I might have a moment or two to do some visiting while I am on vacation. If not then I will be back on April 9Th.

And I shall leave you with an interview, given to me by the famous Jayman. (There might be just a touch of embellishment here and there in this interview. )

Jayman: Barb, we know that you have such an easy life, so we want to hear about a perfect day to you.

Barb: A perfect day, starts by not being woken by an alarm clock, but rather when I naturally wake up. Make a pot of coffee and sit in my PJ's having great conversation with someone I care about. Get showered and dressed, and head out for the day. Make a stop by the beach and feel the sand between my toesies. Have some wonderful Clam Chowder for lunch, for the afternoon walk around a quaint little town and window shop. Spend the late afternoon watching the beautiful sunset, and end it with a great little dinner and a glass of wine. Then sit for awhile and chat beneath the stars. Ahhhh, that sounds like a perfect day to me.

Jayman: Well that sounds fine and all, but we really want to get a little deeper into knowing you, do you have any scars?

Barb - yes, I do. Many in fact, I was quite a tomboy growing up, so my knees are quite the story of scars and I have chicken pock scares from when I had that, and I can be quite the klutz so I little scars all over my hands. One funny story, and its not even a scar, but I get asked about it all the time, is a strange arrangement of freckles that I have on my right upper arm. People ask me all the time if it is a tattoo. It is just a weird constellation of freckles...I know I got a little off the scar track, but oh well!

Jayman: Uh, that was interesting...on to the next question. What character from a book would you be?

Barb: Oh I love books! My favorite type of book to read are murder/mystery/who done it's. I would want to be the person who solves the case. They get all the clues, come close to death themselves and still manage to solve the case and get the girl.....In my case though, I want the hot ass guy!

Jayman - We all have favorite holidays and among those we have all had a favorite Halloween costume. What is your favorite Halloween costume?

Barb: Oh it has to be when I was a little devil. I had horns, a tail and the cape....I was using the horns to hold up my halo!!!! There is even a picture to prove it!

Jayman : Ok, so we are at our final question of the evening. We want to know the real Barb. We want some juicy details. We want to know about your first kiss.

Barb: Ah, a first kiss is one that is usually never forgotten. It was in spring and the young man's name was Jaime. I was smitten with this young man. We went to high school together and he played the saxophone. We were at his house (his family was like my second family) and we went down by the creek to cool off. We both we kinda flirting, but neither one of us told the other that we like each other. We were sitting on a big rock side - by -side joking around and all of a sudden we looked at each other and bumped noses. We both laughed and then we kissed. I swore that fireworks were going off....On the phone later that night he asked me to be his girl, then two days later dumped me because he said I was a greater kisser, but was too plain to suit his taste in girls....oh well, at least I got a kiss out of it.

Jayman: Barb, thanks for a great interview. We have all gotten to know you a little bit better.

Just SOOOO Bummed! (NOT)

This is me trying REALLY hard not to look too excited about next

week. ( I know, its a dorky picture, it was the best I could do taking a picture with the camera stretched out in front of me!!!)

I am getting ready to go on vacation. I will be sitting on the beach, kicking back sipping Pina Colada's. Enjoying the nice warm sunshine....

Enjoying the gorgeous Sunsets.....

I am sooooo excited about my vacation coming up....Can you tell?

Let Me Be Poor

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

I don't know who wrote this or I would give them credit. I read this earlier, and two thoughts came to my mind. 1) "Out of the mouth of babes". That phrase gets used to much, but it is so true. Most children are not marred by hate and prejudice. They are able to see the world in its true beauty. 2.) I thought, please let me be poor. If being poor allows me to have fresh air, freedom to roam in fields and streams and the ability to help others...then let me be poor.

Hypothetically Speaking

The other day a friend and I went to lunch. We were chit chattin' and catching up. After our lunches arrived, she had a serious look on her face. I told her to tell me what was bothering her.

Background - She is a lovely lady, who is married to a great guy of 9 years. Both have fantastic careers, and they have a small child. They live in a nice house..etc, etc. You get my point.

She looks at me and tells me that she is thinking of getting a lover. My jaw hit the floor.

So, I asked her to tell me why.

She began to share with me about the details of her marriage. She loves her hubby to death, but there is no passion, no desire, no sex between the two of them. When the act is done, is in a perfunctory manner. They do not want to get a divorce, but she states "she still has needs." I asked her if they had thought about counselling, she said he doesn't think there is a problem, so therefore doesn't think counselling is necessary. I also asked her if they have tried to spice it up a bit. She told me, she got some sexy under things, he won't try toys, and laughs when she springs some new little action on him. He says that after being married that many years, it is just not as important as it once was!

I asked her if she thought he was cheating on her. She said absolutely not. He is home every single night. He calls her during the day to tell her he loves her, he still does small things just to say " I love you" etc. He just has zero sex drive. I then told her that he should be checked out by a doctor, because medical conditions can effect a mans desire. She went back to her earlier statement that he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. I told her to talk to her own doctor about it, he might have some suggestions.

We talked further about the possibility of her taking a lover, she asked me my opinion, and I gave her my opinion. But I am curious what opinions of other people are. I know what I think about the importance of sex and passion in a marriage, but I want to know what my community of bloggers think. You guys are great and I really want to know if others think as I do, or if I am just a crazy person.

It Moves Me

Music moves me...it effects me, changes my moods, lifts me up, and its part of who I am.

There is one song in particular that I keep coming back to...yes, it is a country song. It is written by Garth Brooks, "The Dance".

I know there are many of you who do not like country music, but forget for a moment that it is country. Just read the lyrics and see the song as what it is.

This song has so much meaning to me. This song answers all of the "what if?" questions. What if I had never met him/her? What if we had never married? What if? What if? What if? There is no way of nowing the end or outcome, but we can't let the fear of hurt cripple our chances of finding love or the right person to share it with.

Even though I am divorced, I would not change who I married or the lesson's (baggage - see Singleton's post) I learned. I grew to become the woman I am. I became secure in the knowledge of who I am and what I want out of a relationship. Yes, there was anger, hate, bitterness and all the nastiness that goes with divorce, but I still would not have missed the chance at the dance.

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know
I might have chanced it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
but I'd of had to miss the dance

I have been playing with the idea of starting a music blog. There are thousands of songs and groups that I love to listen to. I had a hard time narrowing down the music I wanted on my new lil MP3 player. Though, I know nothing of using U-tube (I think that is how it is spelled). If anyone has thoughts or would like to add a thought about a music blog, or to tell me how to use the U-tube thingy, I would love to hear about it.

Thing to know about me(me)

Thanks to all of you for the fantastic Birthday Wishes! It was a good one. I was busy the last few days putting great music on my new MP3 player. Music I love can be a blog unto itself!

I was tagged for a meme from Queen Anne's Revenge. It is 5 Little known facts facts about myself! (This should be interesting), then I get to tag 5 other people (that's the best part!)

1. I was mistaken for a boy. As as child I was very much a tomboy. I had short hair, jeans and t-shirts, and played in the mud as much as possible! One day my mom and I were riding the bus and a gentleman told my mom she had a handsome son! I was mortified and decided it was time to start acting more like a girl!

2. I went to beauty college and have had every shade of colored hair, every length of hair and every type of hair style!

3. I was a cheerleader in high school for 1 year. It was a fluke, I was dared to try out. I did and I made the squad....it was interesting, but not really my thing.

4. I like almost every type of music there is. From oldies, to country, soft rock, alternative, reggae, punk, grunge...I just got an MP3 player and have had a blast filling it with a very eclectic variety of music.

5. I carry on full conversations with people in my sleep. I have had people wake me up and ask me what I am talking about or dreaming about...I can never remember when I wake up, but when they repeat back to me, I laugh at the very odd things I say.

There, now you all know some strange things about me. I get to choose 5 people and they are...
Em , Doragon , Jay , Kati , Lone Beader,

Another Year gone By

Just another day...

I spent most of yesterday downloading music on my new birthday present. I got an MP3 player. Its funny, I would never spend the money getting myself one, but I am certainly not going to waste this great present.

I can't believe I am 31 today. I remember being 17 or 18 and envisioning my life....hahahha, its a far cry from the fairy tale my mind spun. But I am happy where I am. My basic needs are met, I have some fantastic friends, so what more could a girl ask for.

So, I am starting today in my cozy robe, with my nummy cup of coffee and a stroll around bloggerville!

Growing up

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark." "How about transportation?" the father asked. "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know." "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

I read this little antidote tonight and at first I laughed at how cute and sweet it sounds...but then I got to thinking about it in terms of my own step kids.

I remember being in Jr. High and knowing what I know about the world now, I was very naive. I was just happy to have a boy "like" me. The first time a boy kissed me, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Fast forward to 19, I am married and have two step kids. They are cute, sweet and innocent.

As the kids continued to grow, their dad and I agreed that we would hit the topic of sex straight on and truly answer their question and be honest. At most questions this was easy and I always answered the questions as truthfully as possible without making it seem too...ok. I always tried to teach that being physical was not a bad or wrong thing, but that it needed to be with someone whom you loved and there were parameters that needed to be set as to how far to go etc. Most of these conversations I was able to have with a straight face and able to look my daughter in the eye.

We also had a rule in our family, that if they heard an unfamiliar term in school amongst their peers that they were to come home and ask, instead of getting the info from their friends.

Well there was one evening that girl child came home and was in serious thought mode. I knew better than to but in until she was good and ready to talk. About a half an hour before bed, she handed me a note that said she needed to have a talk.

I go in her room thinking a boy teased her, or she likes a new one etc. I sit down on the bed beside her and attempt to make small talk. She was not interested, she sat there silent for a moment, her brow furrow with trouble thoughts....Finally I said to just tell me what was on her mind.

I can honestly tell you that what came out of her mouth absolutely shocked me! I was not able to even look her in the eye, I looked at the spot where her hairline meets her forehead. I swear I turned 15 shades of red and about had a heart attack....

She turns to me and whispers, "what is finger banging? " I about died, I couldn't believe she had even heard that term....

After I about died, I told her what it was and I absolutely could not look her in the eye.

She was silent for a moment, before she made a face and replied, "yuck!" Inwardly, I said, "Thank you God!"

Kids are growing up so fast. Too damn fast.

Nice and Safe

Has anyone ever dated someone, and didn't really dig them, but everyone around you says, "But they are so nice!"

I don't want nice...I want someone I connect with, someone who tickles that spot inside me (not sexually, you perverts! well...I want that too.) I am not one of those girls, that want a bad boy, but I want someone that interests me...nice is so freaking boring, and there is nothing really in common. Why do parents etc, base all their dating assumptions, on..."he is such a nice boy!"

But does this nice boy have a personality? Does he know how to have a conversation? Can he laugh with me and at himself? Does he take himself too serious? In most cases where I have dated nice boys, there was nothing to them.

I love being spoiled and treated like a lady, but I like to get down and dirty too.
I am one who will roll up my sleeves and change (help) car parts. I like sports, hiking....exercising. I can drink beer, and belch and tell dirty jokes, with the best of them. I can cuss like a sailor, I love going to games...and hanging out.

I have caught myself saying about other people I have dated, "well, he is not really my type, but he is safe."

I don't want nice, and safe. I want someone whose views of the world align with mine. Someone I can curl up with and have conversations. There is the unspoken comfort of someone you know so well...I want that.

Nice and safe is great, if it fits into someone who also has something in common with me....

20 P's

Earlier I was reading Queen Anne's Revenge , she had to think of ten things she likes and loathes that that started with the letter B.

I thought it would be fun to play along....she assigned me the letter P.

So things I like that start with the letter P.

1. Posting- new blogs are fun to both read and write!
2. Peanut butter cookies - they are nummy.
3. Pay checks - they absolutely rock!
4. Pictionary- really fun game to play.
5. Pictures - I love pictures, I love to scrapbook...
6. Pots and Pans- I like cooking!
7. Phones- I like to keep in touch with the people that I care about!
8. Pancakes- ummm, all buttery and syrupy, and slobery....
9. Pizza- Pepperoni, olives, muchrooms...best stuff on earth.
10. Plants- I love having lots of green plants around.

10 things I dislike that start with P.

1. Poo - nuff said.
2. Peaches, plums, pineapple- uck...just don't like 'em..
3. Pain- no explaination needed.
4. Pot...smell of it makes me nauseous.
5. Puke- nuff said.
6. Passive- have an opinion, even if it wrong
7. Proctologists- their job sucks any way you look at it.
8. Podiums - I have been in front of people acting and talking, but for some reason podiums aways make me nervous.
9. Pop [soda]- so very bad for you, trying to cut back.
10. Prying- I truly dislike people who pry!

Wow, that was kinda fun...the dislike were harder that the likes....ok, so who is next. Let me know if you want to play and I will give you a letter.

Just nothing

Wow, I have a super bad case of extreme writers block. I want to write, I faithfully read my bloggerville favs...and I sit down to write my own...and my brain fills with white static...Kinda like white noise...or maybe its the voices in there arguing! Anyways, now that I sound crazy...

My boss apologized to me today, not a flippant apology, but a real sincere apology. It was nice and very unexpected. He has been under some stress and over the last week took it out on me...I was hurt, but kept it to myself. I knew he was under some really bad pressure and probably just needed to vent...Well the apology was great. I am glad that I did let the whole situation roll off my back.

I have been doing some soul searching...some looking at me on the inside. I don't know yet what I am finding. One thing I read time and time again are people on here trying to grow and better themselves...I to want to continue to grow and learn.

I think that when you stop striving, to grow and learn...that is when you begin to die...

Hummmmm, more to think on

Bowing out "Gracefully"

Ok, many of you are not American Idol fans, but I am. This is not necessarily about A.I itself but one of its contestants.

The contestant in question is the famous Antonella...

When I first heard her audition I was a fan of her. She made it, when her friend did not. Her friend had formal training and Antonella did not. I was rooting for the "underdog"....but as time has worn on, I am sick of her, sick of her name, and sick of the fact that every time I turn on the News it consists of either her or Anna Nicole (but that is a whole different blog).

Has any one else heard of a web site called www.votefortheworst.com ? This website promote the worst of the worst on American Idol. There pick for female right now is.....guess? Come on take one guess....No? Ok, OK! Its Antonella.

She is staying because this website is thousands strong of people voting for her to stay on.

She knows she sucks...she knows she is only staying on the show, because of this website.

If I were her I would gracefully bow out. I would be ashamed of all the untoward media and the hype and the fact that I can't sing. I would gracefully bow out of the competition so someone more deserving could have a chance at winning.

She is cocky enough, to throw sarcasm and attitude back at the judges when they are telling her the truth about how back she sucks....did you see her roll her eyes like she was 13. As a step parent of teenagers, I wanted to smack the friggen look off her face!

Poets Corner Update

I have Poets Corner up an running. I have a partner in crime now (teasing) Echo is an awesome writer and I am really excited that she wanted to join with me.

She has some awesome ideas for getting people to write. Writing ideas and other misc. FUN stuff!

I have also had a few other bloggers share their poetry. So don't be shy about adding your poems. Remember I can make them anonymous if you don't want to put a name to it!

Please take a minute to check it out.

An Epiphany

I do my best thinking in the shower, or while trying to sleep or driving with my music blasting. All places that I do not have the ability to write.

So last night, I am laying in bed....thinking about general stuff and then the thought crosses my mind. How fun would it be to have a place where all the people that I blog with could have a place to display their poetry, and read others poems. There seem to be many people in our little blogger hood that love to read and write poetry.

So I created a spot called A Poets Corner for anyone who would like to share their poetry or short stories.

The way I am setting it up, anyone who wants to contribute would get their own label, so someone could click on a name and bring up every poem that person has contributed.

I will have you email the poems to me, with any information you want about who wrote it, when and anything else you want mentioned.

This is for everyone, anyone from Wizened Wizard (who writes beautiful poetry like a pro) to someone like me who is new at it. If you wanted to post as anonymous that is fine too, just note it in the email to me.

Please respond and let me know if this is something that you would be interested in...I thought this would be cool, as I love to go back and read peoples poems, but sometimes it is hard to locate them. If everyone thinks this is a big dorky idea...let me know and I will keep all future Epiphany's to myself...lol

Obviously I am a huge believer in free speech, so they only things I refuse to post are poems/stories that are racial or judgemental against other people...etc.

If you are interested...email me your poems/stories to bardouble29@sbcglobal.net

Let The Wild Run

When I was in High School I was in track. I was a sprinter. I used to run, and run and run....I loved the freedom I felt. I loved to just let everything go...feeling the wind, thinking of nothing but the goal.

I used to feel the same when I climbed on a beautiful horse. Tuck down, hold on and let 'em run. Horse and rider meld as one, reading their body, knowing their every move...It is like a love relationship, the two must move as one. There is deep beauty in their wildness, it is a raw passion.

Right now I feel burnt out. I want to feel some freedom. I want to run, I want to feel the wind in my hair. I am tired of the same routine....work all week, eat, sleep, do the laundry...start all over again.

I need a night to let it all hang out. I also am passionate about dancing. I love to dance. Any type: swing, ballroom, line dancing, two step, cha-cha, or just moving to a rock-n-roll beat. For me a night out is not even about drinking (of course I like to have a few)...I would rather dance than to get drunk (hard to dance when you are sloshed.)

It is Sunday evening, I don't feel like I had much of a weekend. Saturday I did demo in a nasty old house. My knuckles look like I took on a bully, but it is from ripping up old lino from a kitchen. Then we laid a beautiful new epoxy aggregate floor. Today was about laundry, grocery shopping, and house cleaning....

Geez, I hate it when I sound like "oh poor me" but that is how I feel right now.....

The Stillness

She sits, a lone figure in the miles of sand.
Rising she follows along the waters edge.
Bending she scoops up some sand,
and watches as the sand disperses in the wind.
Waves silently crawl to tickle her toes.
Soft lips of the breeze caress her cheeks.
She breathes in salt air and smiles.
Branches of a nearby tree conduct the song.
She closes her eyes, and listens to the chorus of silence.

The other day Baron Ectar spoke of "Easy Silence". To me easy silence is part of being able to be at peace with yourself. I love to sit by myself and just reflect. I can sit and just enjoy being in my own skin. So many people I know are afraid of their own skin, afraid to sit in silence and think. It reflects an ability to look inside yourself and really be able to talk to yourself.

One of my favorite places is the ocean. I love to take off my shoes and walk along a deserted beach. I love to feel the sand on my feet and the wind in my hair. Watch the power of the waves as they send spray up from hitting the rocks. I feel so small again the might of the ocean, but yet feel so at peace there. There is nothing more beautiful than the splash of color as the sun moves from the sky and appears to sink into the water.

Used to be

Growing up...life was difficult to say the least.

My step dad divorced my mom and she went a little off the deep end. She didn't have a job, and was mentally unable to get one. We lost the house she and I were renting. She was willing to sleep at the mission or where ever she found a park bench. I was not willing to live like that, so the age of fourteen I found myself on my own. I got a job (had to fib about my age) and lived with families from my church and school friends.

Between the ages of 14 and 18, I moved 18 times. I became good at packing and moving. I kept things in boxes and only unpacked the essentials I needed for everyday. As I got tired of moving things became less important to me as it got more and more difficult to lug stuff around. This caused me to have a hard time putting down roots. To this day I have a hard time thinking of a home as mine, or even putting my things out. I actually still have things in boxes. One of these days, I want to really feel like I am home. I am going to take every last thing I own out and never keep boxes again.

These four years of my life were some of the loneliest of my life. I used writing and music as a means and release of not holding in the anger and the pain. Most of my writing was poems, but I also wrote some short stories. Some of the people I have shared them with say they are very sad and very dark. Yes, they are, they are a reflection of some very dark thoughts, sadness, and despair. But this was my release. I was able to go on about life, function and not fall apart or explode.

Having said that I want to share another poem I wrote. This is one that my English teacher asked me to submit for our class anthology. This one is a bit darker than the other one I shared in my other post. I clearly remember the day this was written. I felt very lonely and empty. I was thinking about my childhood and the abuse I had endured.

Unbearable Reality

Single, salty tear creeps down,

leaving behind a wet trail.

Hot and bitter,

emotions erupt.

Fires of anger, drowned by fears.

Pain fills the slaughtered soul.

Billows of coldness surround.

Time can't heal the memories.

Hand of pain,

strikes again.

Invisible, unbearable scars.

Thoughts of intense agony.

Pleas that fall upon ears of the silent.

Detachment of mind eases the pain,

but only for a time.

Walls built up, only to be torn down.

Protection can not be found.

Nighttime.

Darkness encloses.

Images swirl,

blur of the day.

Eyes grow heavy,

slumber encompasses.

Struggles begin once again.

Cold sweat,

gasping for air.

Only a dream,

but reality holds its context.

I promise, I will also share some happy stuff I wrote and I have started writing again and when I finish something I will share it.

Another Day

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. It was a day for lovers...a day to be sweet and thoughtful to the person you love, but it has just become a day that just sucks! Not to say I don't like to feel special on this day....

I think that people who love each other need to strive each and everyday to make it work. Everyday a person awakes is a conscious effort to be a good husband/wife. Why should there be just one day a year that someone makes a special effort. It has become so commercialized, roses and candy double in price...things are expected...and the people that have no one in their lives feel like crap when every woman in the office receive $200 roses.

To me I would rather someone make a conscious effort to be a good partner and do the small things that make a relationship what it is. I would rather have a handpicked wildflower and a post-it-note that that says "I love you" than $200 in red roses (don't get me wrong, I love roses...but I would rather have them on a regular day than on Valentines day). I would rather get flowers brought home just to say..."honey I was thinking about you today."

It is the small details that make me happy. It is a look, a shared smile, a private joke. A comfortable silence that speaks louder than mere words. A touch that means a thousand things. There are the small things about the person you love, that you know brings them joy. Concentrate on these things and make the person know you love them daily.

Back when my ex used to try...he know I checked our PO Box every morning and he would go get one of my favorite chocolates and put it in a tiny box. He would put it in the PO Box for me to find when I got the mail. That is one of the sweetest memories I have, too bad he stopped trying.

Let me share a story of a girl I worked with a few years back. She is a well off, spoiled city girl. Who was dating a farm boy. The farm boy was enamored with this girl, and would have done almost anything for her.

Valentines Day came around, and through out the day several girls in our office received bouquets of flowers from their spouses. After lunch I was up front doing some paperwork and a delivery person came in with more flowers, she jumped up and said, "Are those for me? Oh they aren't red roses!" They were for another girl in the office, but she started complaining that they guy she was dating hadn't sent her roses. (Note: These people had only been dating about 2 months.) She said, "He better send me roses, or I am going to be pissed."

At this point my eyes were bugging out of my head at her audacity. BUT she continued....at this point she actually picked up her cell phone and texted this poor guy...asking where her roses were. I was absolutely aghast at her! I couldn't believe she had done that. At this point I walked away...I could not take anymore of the selfish, bitchy crap she was dishing out.

The next day, I just had to ask...did ya ever get roses? She rolled her eyes and said "ya, but he surprised me with them, he had dinner, a bottle of wine, a gift and roses waiting at my apartment when I got home. It was no big deal." I wanted to kill her!!! I couldn't believe that she was angry, that he saved money and made a nice dinner for her to surprise her and she was unhappy about it! People like her don't deserve to have someone waste their time on them.

I was so angry at her that she expected something...then she had the nerve to ask where her flowers were....When you have to ask, that in itself tells you where you really stand...

Take the time to make the person you love feel special, but make sure they know its not just because it Valentines Day...but because you truly love them.

Vulnerable Side

This weekend I read Wizened Wizards blog...in it she spoke of the need to express herself and the desire to be creative. I too share a burning desire to share and create.

Reading her blog opened my thoughts again about returning to my writing. I used to write, as a release for life. I was young and in high school and life was extremely rough for me. My honors English teacher kept encouraging me to write, he said I had an unleashed talent that needed to be explored. But after high school I tucked away the hurts and along with that went the writing.

I would like to share a poem I wrote in high school. Understand I am really almost reluctant to share this. This was written when I was going some of the hardest times of my life. This is very When I was younger I wrote with confidence, now I feel rusty.....I would love to hear constructive criticism...if you have something unkind to say I don't want to hear it....

Midnight in the Middle of Day

The empty cold enfolds all around you,
you feel ensnared by its ugly claws.
In desperation, you search for escape,
an escape from loneliness,
instead it draws you deeper,
deeper into the gaping void of despair.
You grasp wildly at anything for hope,
but in the moat of despair, nothing floats.
In time, you have no faith left.
As the tide wains, so does strength,
the strength of character ebbs away.
Life's pain crashes down 'round you.
You search for shelter,
a hiding place from life.
There is no place to hide, no shelter.
Waves of pain crash down,
over your drowning soul.
All hope is given up,
You're caught in the shadows,
the shadows of loneliness.

Pass No Judgement

I have had enough! I have had enough of closed minded people who judge others based on a misguided, conception of what society and the media has labeled other people.

People often judge others because they are gay, or lesbian or goth or a flamer or any other non-conforming belief there is. I have met so many wonderful people who have one of these "labels" and it pisses me off that there are so many others in society who refuse to get to know these wonderful people because they can't see past their own nose.

There are good and bad in all races, sexes, colors, creeds and types of people. A person should never be judged on the color, sexuality, creed or belief. I believe that a should be held responsible for each of there individual actions alone.

I dated a guy not to long ago that got into a small debate with me and I wanted to clobber him over the head. He was a good 'ole country boy, who thinks there is only one right way and that is his way.

There was a commercial on TV about a toy of some kind that was educational and could be given to both girls and boys. He stated, "No boy of mine is ever going to have a doll." And oh boy, was the argument on!!!!

I myself would not purposely buy a boy a doll, but the flat out, judgemental way he stated that pissed me off to the point of seeing red. I in turn asked him if he had a son and a daughter and they were playing together and the boy was playing with a doll of the sisters, how would he react. He said he would take it away and hand him a truck. If the child grabbed a doll a second time, he would whip the kids butt.

We argued about that for two days, until I realized he was a closed minded guy who would never be able to look at others without the proverbial blinders he had over his eyes. Needless to say that was a short lived relationship.

This rant stems from a comment made by a friend the other night at dinner. I reminded them that they were being very closed minded about the subject and they laughed and agreed they were.

To me when someone is quick to judge, it is because of fear. It may be a fear of the unknown about the other person. I remember back when I was in beauty college and I encountered the first "gay" person in my life. "Markie" was different than anyone I had ever met. I didn't know what to think. It went against the upbringing I had, it went against every thing society said. I got to know the person, and when I felt comfortable I asked about it. I have been laughed at by others for asking, but I was curious and really liked this person, so I wanted to know about them. After speaking with this person, they became near and dear to my heart.

Take the time to know someone, take the time to care.

Old Fashioned Customer Service

I almost don't have words to describe how frustrating and disappointing my day was today.

About a month ago one of our designer book a large installation of a job over $10,000, to be installed today. From this one install we had the possibility of 5 more homes over the next year bringing in close to $60,000 in revenue for our company. When we get these big jobs in, we detail them and try to prepare, so that things go smoothly and the buyer feels comfortable writing a whopping $10,000 check to us.

This morning when I walked into work things seemed to be going so-so. The guys left at 8:00 to this job, later than they were should have to be there at the scheduled time of 9-10 (they had a 2.5 hour drive to reach this install site). BUT, if the guys are going to be late to an appointment they are required to call the customer and let them know they are late, and give an ETA of when they will be arriving. Almost all customers are fine with this, as most customers understand that traffic, accidents and such are unforeseeable occurrences.

Unfortunately at 10:40 I received a call from the designer stating the customer was beyond pissed as it was after 10:30 and none of the installers had called to say they were running late. I immediately got in touch with the installers manager and had him call the customer...things went from bad to worse. Our guys did not show up until 11:30 and had no excuse for there whereabouts.

What I am pissed about is we lost all the other installs from this client. All my guys had to do was one freaking phone call telling the customer they were running late. ONE FUCKING PHONE CALL. We lost $60,000 in potential sales and on top of that one of my installers had an attitude about it. I wanted to go through the phone and wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze, squeeze until .............

I am one of those people that call people sir and ma'am, I thank people for their business. If I tell someone I am going to call them, I do. I try to follow up on everything. Of course I am human and I do screw up, but I don't blame others or make excuses...I am the first one to say "OH no, I messed up", but then I try to do whatever is necessary to make it right.

My dad was a business owner and he taught me forever ago that the customer is the most valuable asset a company has. Without them, there is no company and no paycheck. He believed that the customer is always right. I 100% believe that, except when a customer is verbally abusive to an employee. There is no reason for a customer to be verbally abusive.

In a situation where I am a consumer, I can not stand it when the person I am seeking answers from doesn't know and makes no more to find out for me. Or when a young person is smacking gum, speaking in slang...talking to other coworkers about their wild night last night while helping me. Or when a person in customer service states they will call me back and they don't.

There is no reason for an employee to bring their bad mood or personal problems to work. If things are really bad, stay home and deal with the problem. No customer deserves to be the brunt of an employees bad mood.

I could go on and on about the lack of people who practice good customer service.

Off the Deep End

As almost everyone knows the big news this week is about the lil lady astronaut, who drove 900 miles in a diaper to capture the person she saw standing in loves way.

This scenario is interesting on so many levels. To me there is a fine line between loving someone enough to lay down your life for them and being willing to take a life for them. I have loved so deeply that I would have taken injury to save the other person from pain. There are so many things a person would do for someone they love.


Grrr...I have so many thoughts on this and am having trouble getting them out.

When you love someone with a true and unselfish love, you want the other person to grow, feel loved, protect them from the world. There is give and take, there is trust and communication. There is even arguing and making up.

I really have a hard time seeing or comprehending what brings a person to the mental place where the lady was. To wear a diaper and travel to go meet the supposed lover rival. Geez, mentally you have to really be at a very scary place. That goes beyond normal into a realm of unbalanced and unstable.

This lady has so many things going for her...a career, she has been to space, (how many women can claim that? ) Yet there is something in her that is not satisfied with herself. There is something driving her beyond a level of reason.

I know people say that between love and hate is a very fine line...I just am having hard time really understand the driving force behind her desire to harm this other lady.

This and That

Well, so far this week has started out as kind of a long week. Work hours have been long.

And I have freaking writers block...or blog block, which ever works. I feel like writing, I sit here staring at the screen. There are things on my mind and things I want to talk about, but when I sit to write there is just nothing, just nothing.

I think some of it comes with the frustration I feel at work right now. Both days this week I have had to go without lunch, and worked from 7:30 until 5. I think I already feel burnt out. My new position is great and I am greatful to have my job, but I think employee abuse is against the law!!!!

I hope soon, that this writers block thing will go away, this is my daily way to relax and kick back.

WE are Victorious

When the game first started, I have to admit I was a bit worried...Bears scored in the first play. BUT in the rest of the game the Colts dominated. In the second dominated the entire half!!!

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO..... anyways...

Today I worked hard to clean so we could have a few people over, the barbeque was a hit...the game was good, (and wet). I am super buzzed. Hopefully I can write decent blog being buzzed.

I was thinking....I really enjoy the people I have meet in this blog neighborhood. We all seem to share one anothers sorrows and triumphs! I find myself thinking about ailing MIL's, DD's hockey games, Rockdogs book, LB's fire engine, Chucky going off to school, Barons farm, Dirks baby and wife, and all my other friends and neighbors. I just want all the people I have meet to know that I really appreciate you. Your friendship I cherish. Your blogs are inspirational. Thank you and keep it up.

Hands of time

Today something happened that made me feel...I can't even describe it, happy, sad, relieved and many other feelings. All my life I have waited for my mother to grow enough to just say I am sorry, or even just admit there was more she could have done to be a better mother.

This blog is not one of sadness, even though there were tears shed, this is a blog just sharing something that I never expected to happen and the joy it brought me.I got a package in the mail today. It was from my mother. I opened it up to revel a book inside. It appeared to be a childrens book. Upon further inspection...it was "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.

This book brings bitter - sweet memories for me. I put it aside and could not even look at it for several hours. After a few glasses of wine , I was able to pick it up and begin to read...Several years ago, I attended a mother - son sweetheart night at school on Valentines Day. My step-son Gilbert and I went. There were valentines, and pictures taken, moms and sons danced to oldies, that night was so much fun. The last event of that evening was the librarian reading this book aloud. By the end of the story as moms were starting to pull their sons closer to them, there was not a dry mommy eye in the house. That night is a wonderful memory for me.

Tonight as I sat reading, the tears were once again pricking the back of eyes as the story brought the memories of that night back....I get to the last page of the book and noticed a letter.It was a letter written from my mother....She says "How I wish I could turn time around and make everything different but I can't. I wish I could take you to the park. I wish do things and go more places together the way mothers and daughters do. When I had my chance, I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me....Why is it people always find out the mistakes they make when they are old. I wish I could sing to you...
I'll love you forever...
I'l like you for always
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."

To my mom:

Mom, I forgave you many years ago. I can't tell you how many years I have waited to hear you say these very words to me. All the years with the heartache and abuse, I just wanted to hear these words. Yes, I forgive you... Time can not change the past, but there is always the present to get to know each other again. I love you forever.